Steven Gerrard and eight other close shaves

Posted by , 31 July 2009

R. Kelly

Who’s the lucky fella? Why, it’s idiotically-bearded hip-hopper Robert Sylvester Kelly.

What did he do? Allegedly got busy with a 14-year-old. Not once, not twice, but 21 times. In hindsight, filming it was probably a bad idea, too. Charges were made way back in June 2002, with a miraculous ‘not guilty’ verdict delivered in 2008.

How the hell did he get away with that? The case avoided going to trial for six years, thanks in part to some masterful delay tactics. Kelly failed to show up at a hearing in 2007 due to a hospital appointment and again later in the year because his ‘ride’ had been stopped en route by police for speeding. After eventually making it to court, the absence of a single mole was deemed evidence enough that Kelly was not the man in the incriminating material.

Is he sorry? Apparently not. He is, on the other hand, totally awesome. “I'm the Ali of today. I'm the Marvin Gaye of today. I'm the Bob Marley of today. I'm the Martin Luther King, or all the other greats that have come before us. And a lot of people are starting to realise that now.” We presume by ‘Marvin Gaye’ he meant ‘Gary Glitter’.

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