How to get more sex, by Russell Brand, Jack Nicholson and erm... Johnny Vegas

Posted by , 18 January 2011

Johnny Vegas

Johnny Vegas

BE REALISTIC

The best thing to do when drunk is to go down on her – there’s no threat of failure. It’s satisfaction guaranteed, and you look like a sensitive man. Booze might affect the bottom half of the body but I can talk till 6am, so the tongue stays quite intact.

EASE OFF THE BOTTLE

What I normally do, if I think sex is imminent, is try not to drink that much, or I try not to initiate it. But the ladies! They go crazy for you. I’m the victim here! I’m just doing the best I can with bad tools.

END ON A HIGH

I’m attentive and good at after-sex care because I feel like they must be in trauma. I kind of become an NHS nurse: a lot of love and care, and apologies with the eyes.

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Relationship and sex advice from the FHM team. How to please your woman, talk to girls, have great relationships and be a Ron Jeremy in the bedroom.