Being the dedicated lot we are at FHM, we've spent the last few hours debating the hottest sex scenes ever to grace a celluloid screen. But not only that - which ones can teach us how to be better in bed.
Because if you're watching it for educational puposes you have nothing to be ashamed of, you smutty bunch.
Check out our top 10 movie sex scenes below:
Who: Kristen Wiig and John Haam
What: Thirty-seven seconds of Wiig and Haam proper going for it, whilst Hamm gives a running, and very unerotic, commentary.
What we learnt: Two things. Firstly, just because you do lots of positions doesn’t always mean that the girl is going to be interested. Secondly, you can talk too much. Unless you’re a complete master of dirty talk, or have the gravelly voice of Issac Hayes, no man should ever utter the words “I’m driving the car,” mid-penetration. File next to, ‘I’m literally ploughing you, right now.’
Who: Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake
What: Essentially two of the best-looking people in the world getting freaky for a few hours and keeping us on the edge of our seats on whether they’ll get together or not. Obviously they do, because it’s a film, but along the way they have lots of sex and we get a glimpse of Mila's amazing boobs...
What we learnt: Having a no-strings-sexy-friend can sort of work in the short-term and be alright. But in the long-run, unless you want it develop into a Facebook official thing, you should maybe stay clear. On a non-sexy note, we also learn that 'flash mobs' are dead easy to arrange.
Who: Kieran O'Brien and Margo Stilley
What: This is an indy arthouse-type film directed by Michael Winterbottom, which basically means that it’s a porn film with a good sountrack that you're allowed to display on your DVD rack. The film is pretty much one big hardcore sexathon interspersed with dead cool indie music.
What we learnt: Not a lot really, other than it’s apparently fine to have a real cum shot in a film that appeared in the cinema. That, and perhaps that gigs are awesome places to pull girls and you don’t always have to leave covered in piss and lager.
Who: Halle Berry and Billy-Bob Thornton
What: Halle Berry and Billy Bob Thornton get all steamy in a living room and start a bazillion rumours about whether they actually did the dirty or not.
What we learnt: Off-the-cuff living room sex is awesome, provided you’re alright with carpet burns. It’s also cinematic proof that good sex is the solution to racial tension and can cure you if you’re a big racist like Billy Bob Thornton's character.
Who: Daniel Craig and Bernice Merlohe
What: James Bond being all James Bond and creeping into Bernice Merlohe’s shower for a quick nookie session before he takes down the bad guys.
What we learnt: That it’s not always creepy to sneak into a woman’s boat and stroll into her shower stalk-bollock-naked, if you’re a secret agent. If you’re not a secret agent it’s probably within your interests to talk about it first, or at least sow the seeds if you don’t want to end up in Broadmoor.
Who: Elizabeth Berkley and Kyle MacLachlan
What: Jessie from Saved By The Bell answers the dreams of a thousand 90s kids by getting her boobs out and getting freaky in a swimming pool.
What we learnt: Whilst sex in a swimming pool seems like a fantastic idea, it's probably quite difficult if you don’t work out your core muscles on a regular basis. Also that we shouldn’t be scared if the girl you’re with starts convulsing like she’s just grabbed an electric fence. It's just how some girls are.
Who: Two anonymous puppets that apparently aren't Barbie or Ken
What: Two puppets unleashing their inner sex beasts in the funniest, anything-goes, hardcore sex scene we’ve ever seen involving puppets.
What we learnt: If you’re in the moment almost anything is acceptable, from acrobatic positions to erm… shitting on each other (if you’re watching the original uncut sex scene). Whatever lights your candle.
Who: Jason Biggs and Shannon Elizabeth
What: Ok, so it’s not a sex scene as such in that Jason Biggs never quite seals the deal, owing to how fricking hot Shannon Elizabeth is. Nevertheless, this is still pretty iconic and definitely shaped the future sexual endeavors of a generation, for better and worse.
What we learnt:That literally anybody can pull a stupidly hot girl, even if you’re the uber-cringeworthy Jason Biggs. Not only that but, spontaneous premature ejaculation happens to the best of us and you can bounce back. In time. If you don’t broadcast it across the internet.
Who: Maggie Gylenhall and James Spader
What: Maggie Gyllenhall embarks on a trail of sexual discovery to find her inner S&M vixen. Cue much spanking and crawling on all fours in very short skirts.
What we learnt: That no matter what your vice, there is someone for everyone, even if your vice involves sexual gratification via emotional and physical humiliation. It all works out all right in the end. Also, masturbation at work is acceptable, sometimes.
Who: Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Benson and James Franco
What: James Franco lives the dream and has a sexy threesome that would probably never happen to anybody else in real life, but we all wish it would.
What we learnt: Seize your opportunities. If life hands down an olive branch, grab it with both hands. Especially if that olive branch is actually not a branch at all but in fact two unbelievably sexy women like Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Benson. Also, Spring Break looks awesome and should be a global event.
Read what happened when FHM went to Spring Break in the latest mag, out now!
Worst sex scene ever
Who: Ned Beatty and some horrible hillibilly types
What: Beatty gets invaded by two toothless hillbillies in the most horrific manner imaginable. Absolutely nothing right or erotic about this at all.
What we learnt: Never go camping or talk to anyone that lives in a forest and doesn’t have teeth.
Did we miss a good'un? Let us know on Twitter, you sexual deviants.