Spring is here (sort of) the sun is shining (sporadically) and the birds and bees are shooting each other amorous glances. This all means one thing: it’s mating season.
To celebrate the fact that everyone’s feeling extra randy, we sat down with a panel of girls and guys to bash out a definitive list of sex truths that should be taught across the land. Here's 10 from the girls to get you started.
01 Dirty weekends are never as dirty as a Tuesday night.
Planning sex can kill even the strongest boner. No matter how much you pay for the hotel, rose petals and edible chocolate pants, the truth is that the sex is never quite as good as a spontaneous mid-week romp on the sofa post-Breaking Bad.
02 Girls masturbate more than you do (and it isn't all bath oils and candles...)
You might be shocked to hear that women polish the pearl as much, if not more, than you bash the bishop. According to the girls on our panel, women can (and often will) spend all day and all night masturbating. And unlike what you probably imagine, there’s nothing particularly sensuous about it – no romantic fantasies about maids in castles or caring fireman. “A wank is a wank irrespective of gender” is our panel’s conclusion.
03 If she slips you a digit, be cool.
If you feel her probing around back there, don’t freak out, it’ll only freak her out. Instead, embrace it. It’s 2013 and it’s a modern man’s God-given right to entertain the odd finger. It only gets weird if you push back.
04 No one likes finger banging.
Girls don’t like it when you go at their nether regions like a man trying to shake the dregs out of a ketchup bottle. Your three-inch fingers are no substitute for your (hopefully larger) penis.
05 Condoms aren’t there to be played with.
“Once you’re finished, take it off, and throw it away immediately,” is the consensus from our panel.
06 Girls can’t cum if they’re drunk either.
A night of boozing makes it harder for you to get it up. But drinking has a similar effect on women: limiting sensitivity and ability to climax. “It’s an irony that women often feel sexier after a couple of glasses of wine, but are less able to orgasm,” says Rosie Mullender, deputy features editor at Cosmopolitan. “But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try – assuming she’s not too drunk to give informed consent, of course. Remember that only 20-30% of women can cum through penetration alone. So if she’s had a drink, be generous with foreplay.”
07 Sometimes sex doesn’t last long. And that’s fine.
If porn reflected reality, most of the actors would be diagnosed with delayed ejaculation. The truth is, the average guy comes after five to 10 minutes of thrusting, tops. The good news? Girls are absolutely fine with that. “If you’re pounding away with no end in sight, it’s likely to leave her feeling sore, unsexy and more than a bit bored,” says Cosmo’s Rosie Mullender. Finishing too quickly isn’t ideal, but as long as it doesn’t happen regularly, at least it’s more flattering for her than the alternative.
08 Porn is good for your sex life.
It’s estimated that 66% of women admit to watching porn. And liking it. Just make sure that if you’re going to watch it together, you watch the right kind of stuff. Check out anything starring James Deen – the porn star that most skin-flick-watching girls admit to being just a little bit in love with.
09 Lube isn’t just for lesbians.
And whipping it out doesn’t mean you’re no good. It means you’re well prepared.
10 Don’t send cock shots
Thinking of sending her a photo of your penis? Pause for a minute and imagine her showing it to all of her friends. Because that’s most probably what she’ll do. “And there’s nothing worse than when we have a whole series of them to scroll through,” says the panel, chillingly.
Do you agree or disagree with our panel? Let us know in the comment box below or send us a tweet.