Talking to hot girls is hard. Just by looking at you they can make you feel self-conscious about the fact you’ve been wearing the same pair of jeans for two weeks. Lucky for us Richard La Ruina, author of The Natural and boss of the world's largest seduction training company, is here to offer 10 tips on becoming a God-damn sexual Tyrannosaurus.
01 Find some nice MEN!
Yes, you read that right. Chances are that, when you go out, if you ever end up talking to a nice girl, your mates come in and destroy it with an “Is he bothering you?”, “Dave, your mum's calling you”, or “Sorry about him, shall I call security?”. The guys you go out with need to put you in a good mood, encourage you to chat up girls and, when you do, help out by telling them what a nice boy you are.
02 Have a plan
Just like anything in life, if you really want to get great results, go out to meet girls with some kind of plan. If you are a bit rusty, have the plan of being sociable and talking to 10 girls. Give your mate £20 and tell him to only give it back to you if you approach 5 girls. You'll achieve a whole lot more than if you just turn up without any idea. If you are not the spontaneous Russell Brand type, you might need a few lines (see tip 4)
03 Being comfortable = confidence
You watched Cheers on TV, right? Not a great bar for pick up, but hanging out where everyone knows your name does have one big advantage – you are just as comfortable as you might be in your own house. Comfort looks like confidence to girls. It'll make a great first impression. I advise you make a cool night spot with hot girls your regular place, and that you get to know the staff on a first name basis. Added points – it makes you look like someone important.
04 Know what to say
You have a few ways to go with this, a simple one-liner or something a little more elaborate. I'll give a couple of examples of quick and easy ones from my book...
Girl on her own: “Hey, are you confident enough to accept a sincere compliment?” When she says yes, you say, “Good. So am I, you go first”.
Group of girls: Make a suspicious face and ask, “Are you girls talking about me?” When they say no, you smile and say “Why not?”.
05 Don't forget the “middle bit”
Between the opening line and sex, there is the conversation. It might be less interesting for red-blooded males, but is just as important. Hold consistent but soft eye contact, blink occasionally to show her you are not a robot. When she is speaking, genuinely listen and try and ask follow up questions that show you are genuinely interested in finding out more about her. Try and let her do most of the talking, and when you do talk make it about a subject that she has already shown some interest in.
When someone touches us, we like them more. It's scientifically proven. Of course we are not talking about drunken gropes, but the familiar non-sexual friendly touching that goes on between friends and family. So, occasional touches to arm, on the small of the back if you lead her somewhere, or even an arm around her if you are pointing something out on the other side of the room are all great things to add in to the mix. You can also pick out an item of jewellery like a ring and use that as a reason to take her hand to have a look.
07 The Close - Number
The first of the three types of “close”. Going for the number is an art, and most guys do it all wrong. To get a number that won't flake on you, you need to tick a few boxes. Is she comfortable talking to you? Is she interested in you (maybe she asked you some questions)? Have you talked about things you might do together (like go to a cool cocktail bar that you both want to try)? If you can say yes to these three things then you'll get a solid number. Suggest a day to meet and then just hand her your phone and say you'll be in touch.
08 The Close - Kiss
If the conversation is good and you are feeling some chemistry, you might want to get a little physical. Leave some pauses in the conversation where you just look into her eyes. See how she reacts, if she is comfortable, or better yet, if she cocks her head to one side or looks at her lips, then its on. Tell her she is cute and give her a kiss on the cheek. Pull back slowly and look her in the eyes, then give her a peck on the lips, then go for the full one.
09 The Close - Sex
If things are going real well, and you think it might be “on” you can sometimes just say “lets go back to my place”, but most of the time girls need a cover story for why they are going back, even if they really just want sex. So you can say your cat can do a backflip, that you'll play her a song on guitar, that you'll watch a movie you just talked about, that you want to go somewhere more comfortable where the music isn't so loud, or the ever popular after-party if her friends are still in the picture.
Assuming you didn't take her home or get very physical, you might need to still do a little work in the texting department. Follow a few simple rules...otherwise you might blow it. Only use one question per message, it's much harder to answer a message with 2 or 3 questions, so she might just ignore it. Start slow – the first message should just say it was nice to meet her and ask how the rest of her weekend went. Don't try and arrange the date until you have things nicely warmed up. Don't use smileys and xoxo and all that stuff even if she does, you are a man, not a 13 year old girl.
For more from Richard, including tons more opening lines, conversation tips, and everything else from what to do on the dancefloor to online dating, check out his new book, out in February, here