1/ “Stay in the shallow end” 

Sex writer SISKI GREEN recounts how US sex gurus Masters and Johnson found that the outer third of the vagina is the most sensitive part.  

2/ “Make her scream”

An adrenaline boost is a key chemical in sexual arousal, reveals sex and relationship psychotherapist PAULA HALL, who reckons that a good horror flick will put both of you in the mood.  

3/ “Don’t ask, pay attention”

It’s the single most important thing you can do to improve your sex life, according to ALEX ALLMAN, author of Revolutionary Sex. “Querying what she wants doesn’t work,” he says. “But noticing what she responds to does.” 

4 "Try roleplay – but get the plot right”

Sexologist TRACEY COX believes that the better thought-out your erotic back-story the more thrilling that eventual ‘chance encounter with the love of your life/dominatrix/former Blue Peter presenter’ will be. 

5/ “Imagine her vagina is an ice-cream”

Instructs female writer A.L. HARPER, who advises that you should flatten your tongue when going down on your lady. “Your tongue should cover as much surface area as possible,” she states. 

6/ “Work your tongue from side to side”

Lick her up and down and she’ll say stop, dictates sex educator JAMYE WAXMAN, who believes the south to north approach is “too much for such a sensitive spot”.  

7/ “Give and you shall receive”

Sexologist IAN KERNER explains that if you do something for your partner (read: a massage), then she’s more likely to do something for you (read: mind-blowing head). 

8/ “Watch her face”

Is the maxim that legendary adult movie star RON JEREMY has lived by since he started hiding the sausage. He reasons that if your girl is making a face that seems forced during sex, then she’s pretending to enjoy you, but if she looks like she’s just been punched in the kidneys, she’s in the moment. 

9/ “Take charge”

Screams EVA LONGORIA in frustration. “I’m also not averse to being tied up with silk scarves,” smiles the Desperate Housewives star.  

Eva Longoria seated and giving a thumbs up
Please wait 5 minutes whilst FHM gets on ebay to buy some silk scarves..

10/ “Hit her G-spot”

“G-spot orgasms are titanic and intense,” lectures sex expert DR AVA CADELL, “and they are totally different to the clitoral orgasms she normally gets.” You’ve been giving her those, right? 

11/ “Use the force… of a vibrator”

Winks TRISTAN TAORMINO, a sex educator who reckons inviting a battery-powered buddy into bed will rev up your love life. 

12/ “Use subliminal language”

According to dating guru VIN DICARLO, throwing words like “deep”, “hard” and “wet” into everyday conversations helps to get your girl’s juice flowing. To confirm, he means something like, “Oh, you’re so wet,” when she’s come in from the rain.

13/ “Tie her up”

Note: this is in the bedroom, not the boot of your car. “When you’re bound, you’re at the mercy of your partner’s urges,” preaches sex therapist DR GLORIA BRAME. “That supercharges her excitement.” 

14/ “Tell her to work your big top”

Sex expert DR TRINA READ believes that all girlfriends should be informed that the top of your old chap is where the action is. “But…” she continues, “…if you want quality head, you need to ask her to explore the bottom two-thirds, too.”  

15/ “Boost your ego”

Get flirting and you’ll perform better, says sex columnist KAYLEN JACKSON. The boost in self-confidence you get from flirting makes you feel more attractive. “And the more attractive you feel the better your next sexual performance will be.” 

16/ “Get naked!” 

Before she split with hubby Jordan Bratman, CHRISTINA AGUILERA admitted that they kept things raunchy with “Naked Sundays”. The premise? They did everything sans clothes for a day. “You have to spice it up,” shrugged the peroxide warbler. 

17/ “Imagine her clitoris is the world’s smallest cock”

Graphic advice from former porn star NINA HARTLEY, who thinks that the best way to hone your oral technique is to imagine how you’d like oral sex if your tadge was the size of a coffee bean. 

18/ “Don’t fake”

Booms CAMERON DIAZ, who claims women find “faking lame”. “Sexy is being in the moment,” continues the actress, “which could mean being coy or coming on hard.” 

Cameron Diaz, smiling and waving
Cameron Diaz, she likes authenticty...

19/ “Switch to a Mediterranean-style diet”

Left field advice? Yes, but it’ll increase the blood flow to your genitals and make you harder, suggests sex therapist DR SUSAN KELLOGG SPADT.