Want to see her again? Then avoid these mistakes, at all costs, and you might, just might, be fine.

01  Don’t tell any fibs.

They’ll spin rapidly out of control like a shot-down helicopter. You’ll start out telling her you hit the gym every day, and before you know it you’re claiming to be a billionaire, a ninja and the inventor of the MP3.

02  Don’t drink too much beforehand

It’s fine to steady your nerves with a wee drop, but limit yourself to two-thirds of a bottle of Malibu, five beers and half a dozen shots of After Shock maximum.

03 Don’t order a salad

If you’re out for a meal together and you opt for salad, you might as well have turned up in a pink bunny onesie, cuddling a teddy bear. Think manly, think rugged: demand that the waiter bring you an assortment of bones and some raw horse-mince, with a side order of gristle.   

04 Don’t keep checking your phone

The only exception to this is if it’s a blind date and it’s clear to both of you that she’s way out of your league. If that’s the case, constantly swipe at your screen, saying, “So sorry, won’t be a sec – another bloody Tinder notification!” By the thirtieth of these made-up alerts, your date will have convinced herself that you’re invincibly fit.  

05 Don’t forget to ask her questions

Make that lots and lots of questions, like an angry policeman. Bring a big list of them. Remember, you should be aiming to ask her a question every 20 seconds or so, whether she’s finished answering the previous question or not.


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