The holiday wingman that’s more important than your passport

Posted by , 20 September 2013

How to close the deal with a hot surf girl

How to close the deal with a hot surf girl

  • #10

    Weekends For Men: FHM Goes To Stockholm

  • Introduction
  • #08

    Last minute, sun chasing holiday anyone? Just don't be one of these guys....

Life-saving tips for landing a beach babe and not totally wiping out like a complete and utter landlubber...

She’s asked you to help zip up her wetsuit…

You’ve got to keep her attention while you’re holding on to her zipper, so don’t fluff your lines. Acting clueless will portray you as a “kook” (a crappy poser), but try too hard and she’ll know it. Play it safe but strong instead. Drop one of these words to describe the waves: “flat” or “dead” (no waves); “glassy” (small but smooth); “messy” (choppy); “heavy”, “charging”, “going off” or, if you’re feeling confident, “gnarly” (big).

She’s asked if she can borrow your sun cream…

You must’ve done something right, because now she wants a squirt of your cream on her back. Imagine the centre of her back as the safe zone, and start making circles with warm hands there. Don’t hang about for any longer than 15 seconds, as she’ll assume you’ve got a weird fetish. From the safe zone, go north to the shoulders and, finally, if she’s not freaking out, the small of her back. Smooth moves, dude.

She’s just seen you wipe out – big time…

Bugger, you’ve come a cropper in full view of your beach-loving hottie. Your best bet now is to avoid flailing about like an extra in Jaws. While you’re underwater, remain calm. You’ve got 30-60 seconds before you start to, er, drown. Get your bearings for what's up and kick to the top. With your arms, protect the top of your head and face from any other boards in the water. Emerge from the water laughing in the face of danger.

She’s been stung by a jellyfish…

You’ve heard the theory that wee is the best antidote for jellyfish stings? Yeah, you’re best off really, really ignoring that. For one, sociological studies indicate that getting your trumpet and drums out in front of ladies is kind of frowned upon, but also, according to the Red Cross, hot piss has the wrong chemical makeup to help reduce the pain of a sting. If you’ve got vinegar, use that, but in the likely event that you don’t, sea water is a good alternative.

Want to meet your own sexy surfer girl? Check out FHM Dating

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Relationship and sex advice from the FHM team. How to please your woman, talk to girls, have great relationships and be a Ron Jeremy in the bedroom.