She comes out on the piss with you and your mates, laughs at The Inbetweeners and makes jokes about your porn collection. The only thing she doesn’t do is have sex with you. Which is something you’re absolutely desperate to change. We went to comedian Daniel Sloss and Christian Hudson, CEO of social-confidence company The Social Man, for some advice...
01 You've been "Friend-zoned"
No matter how hard you try, your fit mate refuses to see you as anything other than an asexual companion.
“The problem is she doesn’t see you as a challenge,” says Hudson. “Try talking about 50 Shades Of Grey and then tease her about how you can’t imagine her having sex. Compare her to a plant that reproduces without sex. It won’t be long before she starts trying to prove how sexual she really is. Be patient and let her pride do the work.”
02 She keeps sitting on your lap
Girls love to sit on guys’ laps. It paralyses men, like when cats pick their kittens up by the scruff of their neck.
“Sometimes girls do this to guys they don’t even fancy because it provides a sort of validation and makes them feel desirable,” says Hudson.
Sloss says, “Don’t sniff her hair. It’s creepy. Instead honk her breasts and make a noise. You’re friends, so you should be able to do that. Always give a woman’s breasts noises. Horns, trumpets, explosions, anything. “
03 Letting her know
If you fancy her, tell her. Don’t kid yourself into thinking she’s going to make the first move.
Hudson: “But don’t, under any circumstances, go overboard and tell her about all your pent-up feelings. It’ll overwhelm her.”
Sloss advocates directness: “Don’t be weird. When you’re drunk together, be upfront and say you think you should have sex. If she says no, be all like, ‘Well, that’s your loss.’”
So, we've covered "That Hot Friend," but what about "The New Girl At Work" or "That Coffee Shop Girl?" To find out more on closing the deal with beautiful women, get the latest issue of FHM now.