How to close the deal with beautiful women

Posted by , 16 December 2013



Every time you see her you get heart palpitations and can feel the sweat dripping down your brow. Could this be love? Or is it the fact she works in a coffee shop and ever since she smiled at you that one time you’ve developed a four-cups-a-day habit?
01 She’s asked what you want
This is it. First contact. “Order something simple,” says our behavioural psychologist Felix Economakis. “One male characteristic that appeals to all women is someone stoic, not fussy.”

Mock The Week veteran Daniel Sloss agrees. Sort of. “Order an espresso. It’ll wake you up, and having to drink with your pinky up will make her think you’re sophisticated. Just don’t let her see you put in all the sugar and chocolate.”


02 Setting up camp
The best way to get to know a waitress is to spend more time around her. Luckily, she works in a café, so sitting around her place of employment all day isn’t a criminal offence.

“Forget the laptop,” says Christian Hudson, CEO of social-confidence company A Social Man. “Write in a notebook, look absorbed in what you’re doing, and she will eventually get curious about you.”

When you do get chatting, forget about cheesy lines. “Directness is best. So make eye contact and ask her the story behind her necklace or tattoo. That always goes down well with baristas.”
03 The wait
You’ve ordered your hyper-masculine triple espresso and now you’re just going to stand there like a numpty while she makes it? This is prime chat time.

“It’s always good to speak the unspoken thoughts in a girl’s head,” says seduction supremo Hudson. “So if the guy before you was rude, say, ‘Man, I hope you threw in some extra sugar – he needs it this morning.’”

Sloss: “If you get chatting, do what I do and complain to her about how hungover you are so she’ll think, ‘Wow, he must have a great social life.’ She doesn’t know you were at home, drinking vodka by yourself while playing FIFA. Crying.”

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Relationship and sex advice from the FHM team. How to please your woman, talk to girls, have great relationships and be a Ron Jeremy in the bedroom.