How to close the deal with beautiful women

Posted by , 01 October 2013



She comes out on the piss with you and your mates, laughs at The Inbetweeners and makes jokes about your porn collection. The only thing she doesn’t do is have sex with you. Which is something you’re absolutely desperate to change.

01 You've been "Friend-zoned"
No matter how hard you try, your fit mate refuses to see you as anything other than an asexual companion.

“The problem is she doesn’t see you as a challenge,” says Hudson. “Try talking about 50 Shades Of Grey and then tease her about how you can’t imagine her having sex. Compare her to a plant that reproduces without sex. It won’t be long before she starts trying to prove how sexual she really is. Be patient and let her pride do the work.”

Naomi Young

02 She keeps sitting on your lap
Girls love to sit on guys’ laps. It paralyses men, like when cats pick their kittens up by the scruff of their neck.

“Sometimes girls do this to guys they don’t even fancy because it provides a sort of validation and makes them feel desirable,” says Hudson.

“Don’t sniff her hair," says Sloss. "It’s creepy. Instead, honk her breasts and make a noise. You’re friends, so you should be able to do that. Always give a woman’s breasts noises. Horns, trumpets, explosions, anything."

Bryony Morganna
03 Letting her know
If you fancy her, tell her. Don’t kid yourself into thinking she’s going to make the first move.

“But don’t, under any circumstances, go overboard and tell her about all your pent-up feelings," says Hudson. "It’ll overwhelm her.”

Sloss advocates directness: “Don’t be weird. When you’re drunk together, be upfront and say you think you should have sex. If she says no, be all like, ‘Well, that’s your loss.’”

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Relationship and sex advice from the FHM team. How to please your woman, talk to girls, have great relationships and be a Ron Jeremy in the bedroom.