We’re under a month into 2014, but already we’ve seen the first major trend of the year. It’s big and hairy and, until recently, mostly belonged in the ’70s.
No, Tom Selleck isn’t making a comeback. The humble bush is making a long overdue return – and it’s coming to a lady near you.
First came the news that clothing brand American Apparel would be using mannequins wearing sheer undies and sporting pubic hair in window displays.
Once the movement was in motion, Cameron Diaz compared her pubic hair to her nose (yep, we thought that was weird, too). She said that just like her shnoz, her pubes were there for a reason, and to remove them is like saying, “I don’t need my nose.”
Diaz isn’t alone. A recent UK Medix poll found that half of all women in the UK do not groom down there at all. With that number rising, it’ll be no time at all before pube-trimming ladies are in the minority.
But before you start worrying about getting wiry little buggers stuck in your teeth, take a moment to consider why the return of the lady-bush is a very good thing for men.
01 It’s actually really sexy. You’re probably so used to seeing shaven havens on the mucky world of the internet that it’ll look alien at first. But once you get past the initial surprise, you’ll realise that there’s nothing quite as hot as a lady who’s so confident in her own body that she doesn’t need to conform to societal pressures.
02 It’s more hygienic. Shaving is scientifically proven to leave open microscopic wounds, expose both of you to infections, and remove a much-needed protection barrier to stave off nasty bacteria and pathogens.
03 We can stop trying to convince ourselves that ‘the Hollywood’ (ie no hair at all) is sexy. It’s not. It looks like a chicken fresh from a plucking. Do you fancy chickens? No, you do not.
04 Shaving down there causes stubble. Stubble down there causes stubble rash. No one likes stubble rash.
05 Every time you have sex, you can pretend that it’s the ’70s. Spice things up by shouting outdated TV catchphrases like, “What you talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?” (Diff’rent Strokes), “Book ‘em, Danno!” (Hawaii Five-0) and “Sit on it!” (Happy Days). Disclaimer: use the latter sparingly.
Don’t just take our word for it. We spoke to a bunch of real girls to get the low-down on the latest under-pants trend...
Jenna, 25, Sydney
“Females just follow the fashion. If they see a few people with a ’70s bush then I absolutely think it will come back.”
Sandra, 19, Zurich
“It’s better to keep tidy. I don’t think the ’70s bush will ever come back, unless we become cave women again.”
Caroline, 25, London
“I like to have something there. I don’t like it too groomed, but trimming it so it’s not wild is important.”
Ancherisa, 19, Berlin
“It looks so much better neat and tidy. So no, I don’t think it will ever come back.”
Lauren, 28, Reading
“The ’70s bush is definitely making a return. It’s probably more likely to catch on in the Continent.”
Marina, 23, Brazil
“I prefer it completely off. Women should always whip it off as soon as it shows any sign of growing through.”
Zana, 18, Essex
“One of my friends doesn’t shave at all. She just says to us, ‘Embrace the bush.’ So it’s coming back.”
Paris, 20, Thailand
“I think women should stay groomed down there. In Thailand that’s very important.”
Martha, 22, Oslo
“We should embrace the ’70s muff! It’s how we’re made. It’s part of being human.”
Words by Dan Jude. Follow his mug on Twitter.