Words Mike Peake

How did you get into this?
I was 23, I’d just arrived in London from Australia and I saw a magazine ad that said if you paid £200 you’d get three or four paid dates with women a week. I signed up but it was all a con, so I got talking with some mates and we decided to start our own escort service. We did, but then they chickened out.

How was your first date?
Very nerve wracking. The call came through on my mobile: she was single, mid-40s, and in west London. Over the years we developed quite a long relationship. We would meet up once a week, sometimes just for coffee, but that first time she was painfully shy and really lonely. I couldn’t show my nerves – I had to be the one with the confidence.

Did you have sex?
Yes, but it wasn’t easy – it was difficult enough to get her relaxed enough to talk, let alone for other things to happen. Plus, I was shitting myself. With the sex, anything would have been deemed a success because she was so nervous and hadn’t been with anyone for years, but, in the end, it went quite well.

Were you much of a swordsman before?
Not really – I’d done okay, I guess, but I’d never had a long-term girlfriend.

So why did you think you were qualified?
I didn’t, really. It started as a bit of a laugh, an adventure. I wanted to see if I could go through with it.

Did you have a kick-ass opening gambit?
Not really. Getting them to relax became a skill after a time; it’s a real knack to get someone talking under those circumstances because it’s very unnatural for a woman to pay a guy to meet them. I wanted to make it seem natural, come across as genuine and never give the impression I was just there because they were paying me… even though that was the case.

What percentage of bookings led to sex?
About 99%. I don’t care what people say – when a woman rings an escort agency she wants sex. Sure, we’d meet in a café and have a coffee first to make sure everyone was comfortable with everything, but they hired me for the sex.

Did you ever get horny and give a lady a freebie?
No. But there were a lot of times where if I’d met them in a different situation I’d have tried. I thought they’d all be bored, getting on a bit and desperate, but that wasn’t the case. What united them were issues like shyness, loneliness and being too career-orientated.

Did you have a girlfriend?
No. It just didn’t seem right. It wouldn’t have been fair, and I wasn’t really after romance at the time. I have a girlfriend now.

How does the sex compare?
The sex is so different. It was really difficult to try and have natural sex when the underlying factor was payment. Without sounding like a wanker, it wasn’t a mutual thing – I was there for their pleasure, whereas most partners are normally giving as much as they get. There were, however, occasions where I struggled to really deliver.

Go on…
Once, I was really tired and getting ready for bed when I took a call. I got there about midnight, and this stunning girl took me up to a penthouse where I was greeted by another girl, just as gorgeous. They were lesbians and one of them had booked me as a birthday present for the other. All I could think was, “Fucking hell, how can I have this much luck?” Then, the next thing I know, I’m looking at my cock going, “What’s wrong with you?”

That’s, um, never happened to us before…
It was embarrassing as hell, but we talked for a bit, I went into the bathroom, gave myself a pep talk, came to life and we end up tangled together on the bed.

Did you charge double?
It was my couple’s rate: £250 an hour. For a single woman it was £200.

Ker-ching! Did most clients nervously watch the clock?
Couples, maybe, but singles? Not so much. I did better rates for the second or third hour, and if I was staying for longer we’d come to some arrangement. Payment was always awkward, especially once I got to know people. You’d build up trust and a degree of friendship – some people I saw twice a week – and when you’re trying to keep it natural it’s hard to ask for the money. A couple of times we’d both forget and I had to go back for it.

Did you ever ‘do’ celebrities?
There was one time where I’d been booked via an agency to go to a very nice house, but I’d no idea who the couple was. And when the door opened, I was just, “Oh shit!” It was a major A-list couple that everyone would know in a flash. As well as me, an escort girl had been booked and she was late, so I went in, got chatting and they really made me feel at ease, and we got on well. When the girl arrived she was a bit too excited and I could sense the couple were having second thoughts, so I said to the guy, “Have you got a second?” and we went to the kitchen.

What for?
I said: “I don’t think it’s going to work out, but if you just play along with it for a bit, we’ll have a few drinks and then if you say you’ll get us both taxis, she’ll be fine.” What they didn’t want was to tell her to leave, piss her off, and have her start blabbing to her friends or the press. It worked, she left in a cab, assuming mine was a few minutes behind hers.

It wasn’t?
Nope. That was about 8pm. I didn’t leave until 6am the next morning.

So you nailed the celebrity wife?
Well, yeah. And she was stunning. It was incredibly strange, though. I guess it was exciting, but it was a bit like going on a secret holiday. I knew I could never tell anyone – the escort industry is all about trust. It turned out that we did get on quite well and they booked me to go back a couple more times.

Were you tempted to say to the bloke, “Holy crap! I’m plum deep in your missus”?
Well… yes. But at the same time, it was work and I was there to perform.

Why would a celeb couple risk it?
Celebs are into the same things as everyone else, and because it’s all cash there’s no trail. In a way, it must be very hard because there’s always someone waiting to tell the press. But I was never tempted – it’s just not the way I was brought up.

So that’s your Posh and Becks story, then…
Ha ha! No, it was definitely not Posh and Becks.

Luke’s book Satisfaction is out in June, priced £6.99