5 Emojis No Man Should Ever Send To A Woman

Image Via Getty

Before we clarify what certain emojis mean, specifically what the eggplant emoji means. We're afraid we have something we must admit it. Yes, we've been known to dabble in serial emoji use, OK? Often using them for an entire conversation at times, because we're either too lazy or too drunk to actually, you know, type out words like living, breathing human beings. And while we have been ripped on for this behavior, namely my girlfriends past and present, at least we know the difference between the right and wrong emojis to use.

We all have fun sending these expressions to friends, but when us guys decide to use them with ladies, well, there are rules on which ones are appropriate. If you don't already know what's OK and what's not, here's a quick rundown.

5. The Smirk Emoji


You might mean for it to come across as innocent, but don't be so foolish, the girl knows exactly what your deviant mind is thinking when you send this little smirk. It's typically sent when you're feeling pretty confident that things are about to go your way and she's bound to come over after eating up your flirtatious lines via text. But don't be too confident, because an ill-times use of the smirk and she'll catch your drift and turn the other way, coming up with some excuse not to see you.

Game Killer: 4.5/10

4. The Poop Emoji


Sure, technically this isn't really poop, but still, for about 99.9% of the population, that's exactly what it stands for. And while sending a smiling turd to your buddies in a group text describing how shitcanned you all got last night works great when hungover, when you're macking a girl and trying to get her to come hang out, it's not quite as funny.

Game Killer: 7/10

3. The Dancing Twins Emoji


No man with any self-respect will use this. Seriously, we've thought about of every situation in which a guy would send this to a girl and we've come up with zero reasons, so don't be the one dude on the planet who sees what might happen if you do. Not even when the girl says she's dressing up as the dancing twins with her best friends for Halloween should you send it. In fact, that might be one of the worst times to do it. Avoid it. Delete it. Ignore it. Whatever you need to do to never use it.

Game Killer: 8.5/10

2. The Water Bead Emoji

Like a few others on this list, this emoji might, technically, have a different meaning, but when used in the heat of the moment, it means one thing—sex. Typically referring to your Mantene Pro V shooting out of your eggplant, no girl in their right mind will think of it in any other way. Even if you just got done running 10 miles and are dripping sweat, there are other emojis to go with to express that, and this isn't it.

Game Killer: 9/10

1. The Eggplant Emoji


Before our little diatribe on the eggplant emoji, it's important that y'all truly understand what the eggplant emoji means. For all intents and purposes the eggplant emoji has become a symbol for, well, a penis. We know, it's a bit depressing seeing as most men don't fall anywhere near the size of an eggplant down under, but sigh, we're afraid that's the cultural norm. Leave it to the people of 2017 to take a perfectly delicious vegetable (especially Eggplant Parm) and turn it into something dirty. Oh and in case you're wondering what the eggplant and water emoji means, well, we hate to have to school you in biology right now, but when a men is stimulated...certain things are released. So, if an eggplant is representative of a penis, perhaps you can fill in the blanks for what the water bead represents. OK, we are now going to resume the scheduled broadcast —

Stop. No, seriously, just stop. If you didn't already know that the eggplant was going to top the list, you've got a more perverted mind than we could have imagined and need some serious help. It may appear to be an innocent eggplant, but everyone knows that it doesn't mean that delicious vegetable. You've put in work to get the girl to consider coming over, why throw it all away by texting her this thing to flush it all down the drain? Right, don't!

Game Killer: 9.8/10

That about sums it up, guys! Be cautious of your emoji game and you should have no problems with the ladies! Disregard our advice and yeah, don't expect any texts back for a long while. You've been warned.

Lead Image Via Getty

More From FHM

What To Text A Girl: The Major Dos And Don'ts Every Man Should Be Aware Of.

This Flowchart Finally Answers the Question That Has Plagued Men for Centuries: "Should I Text My Ex?"

The Worst Drunk Texts We Could Find Will Have You Thinking Twice About Sipping And Sending (Ever Again).