Last night, a self-proclaimed 'sex nerd' and sex educator did a reddit AMA (which, non-redditors, means you can ask her questions in a segment called 'ask me anything') and answered everyone's burning sex questions.
Here's what we learned from her answers:
'Sometimes, The Sexiest Thing A Person Can Do For Their Partner Is... The Dishes'
According to Emily, one of the most common misconceptions about sex is that sexual difficulties come from a lack of a sexual stimulation in a person's life. Throw in some porn and lingerie and problem solved...right? Wrong.
In reality, things like stress, relationship issues and, ironically, worrying about your sex life are what's more likely to throw the breaks on.
Size Doesn't Matter
"If anything, it's width that matters, but even then, hardly at all," says Emily. Noted.
Curiosity, Compassion, Kindness And Patience Are All You Need For A Good Sex Life
"Have no expectations about how she "should" work. All women are different - and they're all normal," says Emily.
When Starting A New Relationship, Remove Orgasms From The Equation
Emily says that having sex in a new relationship should be treated like a puzzle. It's a time for curiosity and paying attention to each other. Focusing on orgasms just adds unnecessary pressure.
"I often recommend people take orgasm off the table entirely, to get rid of that expectation and the risk of "failure." Just explore things, try stuff out, see how it feels."
Sex Isn't A Drive
Sexual desire is more of a curiosity. It requires an attractive external stimulus to draw you out into the world. Hunger, on the other hand, is a drive, because the motivation comes from something internal.
"Orgasms Are Like The Highlander"
When asked about clitoral vs vaginal orgasms and the levels of satisfaction, Emily pulled out this 1986 reference to explain that it doesn't matter how you cross the threshold; 'An orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm'.
There's A Whole Load Of New Science That Will Help You Have Better Sex
One user asked Nagoski what 'new science' out there could revolutionise our sex lives. Nagoski laid it all out for us but it's pretty complicated. Fortunately, we've written a whole other article on it here for you to go have a look at.