Amy Schumer's X-Rated Wedding Vows Are Straight Up #RelationshipGoals

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Leave it to Amy Schumer to deliver the most inappropriate wedding vows of all time to her now husband, Chris Fishcher. Seriously, we don't think anyone in the history of holy matrimony has discussed oral sex in front of an entire room of friends and family. Well, except Jason Segal in I Love You, Man — but movies don't count, unfortunately. That said, her reasoning was actually pretty sweet. We suppose as far as romance (and originality) goes, Schumer nailed it.

Everyone's heard of the seven year itch, right? If not, it's basically the notion that after seven years, intimacy in a marriage starts to plummet. We hate to be blown, we mean, blunt, but oral sex is usually the first thing to go. It's a sad reality, but, hey! Better a life without oral, than a life without a wife, right? Well, Amy Schumer decided to address this issue head on — in her freakin' wedding vows.

Speaking with the Sirius XM show “You Up with Nikki Glaser", Amy got very candid about the words exchanged on her special day. At first, she's channeling some serious RomCom vibes, creating a picturesque moment that every little girl dreams of, well, sort of. She begins, “Mine sucked! I thought mine were good, I wrote mine in like, 20 minutes. I was crying when I wrote them, but his blew me out of the water so hard.”

Then, according to E! News things took a very Schumer-like turn. Which, to be fair, we're not entirely surprised about. If nothing else, Amy has always danced to the beat of her own (vulgar) drum:

“In my vows I go, ‘But I promise I’ll keep going down on you, even though everyone tells me I won’t,’” she chuckled. “And his were like, heckling me too. He was like, ‘The other day I lost a tennis match and you called me a f–king loser.’ It was all like awful s–t.”

There you have it, guys. Chris Fischer is a lucky man. Although, Amy, if you're reading this, very few people actually stick to their vows. So, yeah, no one would blame you for relaxing a bit when it comes to the oral — especially as you get old and grey.

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