I've never been on a first date, per say. Ultimately, all of my serious boyfriends started out as a friends. I don't know if that makes me lucky or lazy, but in either event — I've managed to avoid the horrors I've spent the last hour or so reading about. Seriously, I don't know how ANYONE willingly subjects themselves to this sh*t. Can't you just have your mom set you up with someone after she conducts a thorough background check? Maybe involve the FBI too, you know, for good measure.
Problem is, the bad date experience isn't always just about the other person. Sometimes YOU'RE the one who blows it. Talk about adding insult to injury, huh? I'm not really sure if I'd rather be the blower or the blowee, but one thing I know for certain is that the stories below include a whole lotta both.
Reddit user, Jaikus posed the following question and it opened up a big ol' can of embarrassing works —
"Reddit, what's your worst first date experience?"
- "Went on a date with a guy I'd met through a mutual friend. Things seemed pretty normal until we were sitting and waiting for the movie to start. He got his phone out and started showing me pictures of two of his ex-girlfriends. Both women were completely naked." — Molly-Millions
Kids, Man...The Worst!
- "First time out with my now fiance, we were at a local sushi joint. I was telling a story (actively using my hands) and knocked a glass over and we both watched it slowly roll off the table and onto the floor. Then not even 5 minutes later, a little, probably 2 yr old girl is running around her family's table as kids do, stops right next to our table and vomits everywhere." — Ferrian11
Bloody Hell, It's Cold Out!
- "I was making out with a girl on a cold evening on her unlit front porch. I just thought my runny nose was from the cold. But when we turned on the lights I realized I had a bloody nose. Her face was COVERED IN BLOOD. There was no second date." — JacksCologne
Major Plot Twist
- "Out at dinner night is going well. Some guy pulls up a chair to our table. Introduces himself as her husband. I got up and said sorry did not know. Girl called me later that night, said I could pick her up as she was single now." — REDUCE23
C'mon, Where's Your Sense Of Humor?!
- "We were walking down the street, chatting happily after a nice meal, when she walked into a sign post. Neither of us was looking where we were going, it was just a crazy accident, but I let out one inappropriate laugh before I could stop myself, so she accused me of steering her into the post for my own amusement. Things did not recover after that." — FrightenedOfSpoons
- "When my date went home with the waiter." — mewtwoDtwo
- "I was so nervous I threw up on him and myself. No second date." — Iamnotyourbanana
Where Do You Buy A Mini Constitution?
- "We somehow got on the topic of politics. She pulled out a mini copy of the constitution that she kept in her purse and tried to convince me how Obama should be tried for treason. Don't care. Still had sex. She was also married." — Fromhe
To read the full thread, head HERE
MORE: "I Gave A Girl My Last Slice Of Pizza" Among The Most Ridiculous 'How I Got Laid' Tales. Read the story here
MORE: Reddit Users Were Asked Which Celebrity Would Have The Most Awkward Sex Tape And The Answers Were Nothing Short Of Brilliant. Read the story here
MORE: "He Thought Baby Ducks Were Called Quacklings" And Other Such Times People Realized They Were Dating An Idiot. Read the story here