If there's one pastime that Americans have reveled in since the dawn of this great nation, it's brunch. There’s simply no better way to ease a hangover than a little hair of the dog, and, to do that, brunch cocktails are typically the way to go. It’s not the highbrow conversation of a dinner party, and it’s not the rushed, “hey, how ya doin'?” of a lunch. No, brunch requires you to sit back and enjoy the most important meal of the day, with the most important cocktail of the day.
Choose your morning alcoholic beverage wisely, though, gentleman, because what you sip on says a hell of a lot about you. That’s why it’s time to, once and for all, power rank the best brunch cocktails so you can take the stress out of ordering this weekend.
Honorable Mention: The Irish Car Bomb
Sure, at first glance, the mix of Guinness, Jameson and Bailey's doesn't exactly strike you as a breakfast drink. For starters, you've got to chug it before it curdles — which, for anyone who has ever had the displeasure of having to drink one after that moment, is gag inducing. But, listen to reason, because what does your heart tell you? It's strong without being unsettling. It tastes like chocolate milk. It's from Ireland, and who knows more about drinking in the morning than the Irish? Exactly. It’s a morning beverage, and one intended to lead into a series of poor decisions. And for that reason, it gets a shout out on this list.
The Peach Bellini is a good drink... if you're a 50-year-old woman who has it out for the world. Listen, of all the breakfast drinks to choose from, the Bellini barely scratches the surface. It’s light, it’s airy, but it’s lacking the vitamin C to truly make it great. The other problem is, good peach puree is hard to find. It’s either great, or it smells like an expired can of Skoal. It gets the nod because it’s a staple of breakfast buffets, and if you need to change it up, what better place to look than a Bellini!
The screwdriver is for the morning drinker who is looking to keep the good times rolling into the late afternoon. Great for a Saturday, rough for a Sunday. The lack of diversity there is a big reason the screwdriver finds itself so low on the list. But don’t overlook everything it brings to the table — it’s basically everyone’s first mixed cocktail, it's a great source of vitamin C and it’s the ultimate hangover cure. Screwdriver, you were a staple of our teenage years, but you only sit at No. 4 on this list.
3. Bloody Mary
Whatever your opinion of it is, the Bloody Mary is a staple of any brunch. It’s a full meal in a glass. It’s the only drink you can garnish with a pulled pork slider. And as far as vitamins and antioxidants, it has no match in the brunch drink game. But it’s a polarizing drink. You either love it, or you hate it. You either think it tastes like a spicy bit of heaven or like someone is playing a sick, sick prank on you. It’s not the breakfast drink of the masses, and the people have spoken!
2. Irish Coffee
It's like a Cinderella Story! Irish coffee comes in No. 2 on the definitive list — and hysteria (probably) ensues. While this drink lacks vitamins and antioxidants, it makes up for with the greatest drug known to man, caffeine. We’re talking about the splendid mix of coffee, Baileys, Jameson, two sugar cubes and then some whipped cream to top it off. It’s a breakfast drink and a breakfast dessert. It’s got everything you need to kickstart your day. Oh, did we mention it’s delicious AF, too?!? As mentioned earlier, the Irish know a thing or two about breakfast cocktails, but the Irish Coffee's Cinderella story falls just a foot short of the top spot. (bad pun intended)
The cult classic. Ol’ reliable. "The Mimo," to no one’s surprise, is by far the best brunch drink ever. It’s got all the strengths of a Bellini without any of the unknown juice quality. It’s got a bunch of vitamins, and is the type of drink you can throwback 20 of and still make it to work the next day — or just sip a few during breakfast and still make it Sunday Mass on time. It goes great with a suit and tie, but it’s also a delectable brunch cocktail to sip out of a red solo cup during a tailgate.
"The Mimo" may be the go-to brunch drink, but let’s be clear, no matter what you’re drinking, if you’re drinking a brunch cocktail, you’re already a winner!
Lead image via Instagram/000wanderlust.