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When it comes to cheating in relationships, things aren't always as black and white as most people tend to believe. Even worse, we live in an age of constant badgering from all sides about how we should and shouldn't proceed when someone cheats on us. Problem is, emotions are complex! It's really dangerous to promote certain blanket statements about cheaters as gospel! Not all cheaters are jerks, just like every person who has been cheated on isn't a victim.
That's the thing about modern day, with such easy access to dating apps, dating studies, dating websites, dating consultants — people feel pressure to abided by what they've been told. It's easier to go along with the status quo rather than question the BS they've been fed. Don't stay mad if you don't want to stay mad! Don't deny someone forgiveness, if you want to forgive them!
Of course, all of that is easier said than done, but, still, we feel it's worth exploring anyway. Perhaps it will be easier to look at cheating through a clearer lens if we go ahead and dispel some of those blanket statements we briefly mentioned earlier.
Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater
Statements like this are pretty freakin' dangerous. It's OK to say once a murderer, always a murderer, but this? No, not cool! Just because someone has cheated before, doesn't mean they're going to cheat on you. Every relationship dynamic is different and to brand someone for life, over what could have been a single mistake, well, it's cruel. In addition, even if someone cheats on you during a relationship, it doesn't mean it will happen again. Humans are nothing if not phenomenal at messing things up, but that doesn't mean they can't learn.
It Doesn't Count If They Were Drunk
OK, for starters, we'd like to clarify that when someone is blackout drunk, they can't even legally consent to having sex, but, because it happens all too often, we'll address the issue. Being drunk isn't an excuse to cheat on someone and it very much "counts" as infidelity. That said, it's important to explore the issue further. Is your partner always drinking and blacking out? It's possible that they have a problem beyond being unfaithful. It's worth talking about!
If They Cheat, They Don't Love You
There are all different kinds of affairs. If someone is cheating on you physically, it doesn't mean they don't love you. Hell, if someone is cheating on you emotionally, it doesn't mean they don't love you. Again, relationships are complex. It's possible to love two people at once, it's possible to have sex with someone and not love them at all. These are all things that people fail to acknowledge when they've been cheated on. We would venture to say that cheating has more to do with respect than love.
Men Cheat More
Several studies have shown that men and women cheat equally. The reasons they cheat, however, tend to differ. Men, are often seeking sexual fulfillment, while women seek emotional fulfillment. That's not to say the roles can't be reversed, but that's generally the most common dynamic.
Cheaters Are Bad People
Look, guys, we get it! If you've been cheated on before, it's not exactly easy to view that person as an angel, but it's important to recognize that it doesn't make them evil either. Sometimes two people are simply wrong for each other and cheating stems from that. Other times, people just give in to temptation and then immediately regret it. The scenarios are endless! Our advice? Be open and honest with your partner. If cheating happens, from either party involved, talk about it and decide for yourselves what the best course of action is!
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