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In the hopes of educating some of the men out there, I decided it would be a good, and dare I say it, honorable idea to dispel some common "facts" about women. I'm not sure who's in charge of circulating this BS but, man, it's exhausting. First of all the term "all" anything gives me a migraine. There's 7 billion F'in people on the planet, there's just no room for umbrella statements and generalizations, OK? That said, I understand how easy it is to get lost in locker room talk and boyhood idealizations.
I'm not here to bash men, all I ask is that you stop making these assumptions. But, hey! You don't have to listen to me, cough, goof luck getting laid ever again, cough. Of course, I can't speak for women everywhere. These are merely observations I've made throughout my short, but educational, 26 years of being a woman.
Below, I've somehow managed to narrow it down to five key pieces of bullsh*t. To be fair, I could have easily listed 100, but, hey! Baby steps, right?
We Enjoy Being The "Little Spoon"
For those of you who have never cuddled with another human, let me explain. The little spoon refers to the person on the inside of the spooning. It generally helps that the little spoon is, in fact, smaller than the big spoon, but it's not mandatory. As lovely as being the little spoon can be, it's a pain in the ass to assume the position all of the freakin' time. I promise your penis won't magically shrink if you let your girlfriend spoon you.
We Need To Go To The Bathroom In Pairs
The fact that this is mocked is sort of, well, sad. I think that the reason a lot of women travel in pairs — especially at bars — is because of creepy dudes. Full offense to creepy men, by the way. This isn't to say we have to go to the bathroom together. Again, I can't speak for all the ladies in the world, but I'm pretty sure most women can pee without company.
We Love Romantic Comedies
If anything, sitting through Romantic Comedies has become the bane of existence for some reason. The reason being, that RomComs are generally marketed to women — they push half-assed ideals of love and "the perfect man" to make us feel bad if we're alone. If I had to make a blanket statement, I would say that most women (at least the ones I know) prefer true crime over anything else. Yes, that should scare you.
We're Emotional/Cry Easily
I know some stone cold women out there who never, and I mean never, cry. Just because you're a woman doesn't mean you're going to start bawling the second someone plays "In The Arms of an Angel" by Sarah McLachlan. Women are equally as capable of being guarded with their emotions. For example, I had a roommate for four years who I never saw so much as sniffle. Even after her sh*tty boyfriend ended things, she just kept it movin'. Of course, I was waiting for her to snap (because that's what I would do) but she never did.
We're Not Good At Math
Am I good at math? Obviously not. If I were I'd be sitting on my throne at Goldman Sachs as an investment banker. My ineptitudes aside, plenty of women are kick-ass with numbers. In fact, now that I think about it, every math teach I've ever had in my life was a female. I'd venture a lot of you can say the same for your education. So, put that in your calculator and smoke it.
You don't have to agree with me, if anything, that's a characteristic a lot (but not all) men share when women call them out. At the very least, be more careful with how you speak about and to women. We're not here to ruin your lives, we'd just like to coexist (and cuddle) in peace.
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