A Man's Guide To Surviving Fall Activities ('Cause No Guy Enjoys Pumpkin Spiced Stuff)

Image via Instagram/SabrinaSchuster

Well, it's officially Autumn, guys. There's a briskness in the air, the leaves are changing, Halloween is literally a couple weeks away and there's a steady aroma of pumpkin spice everywhere — with a bunch of ladies taking pictures of their Starbucks cups to remind you. Look around, the seasons are changing.

For guys like us, all that really means is that football's on and basketball is just around the corner. But, for your girlfriend, this is the pinnacle of the year. The amount of basic sh-t you can get done in the fall is astronomical. Apple picking, pumpkin-picking, picnics, haunted houses, pumpkin lattes, winery tours, scary movies and did I mention there's pumpkin? It really is the most basic time of year, fellas.

So, here it is guys, your survival guide for making it to winter — because no guy enjoys all that pumpkin stuff.

Get Drunk


Listen, we've got to come to grips here. We're getting dragged to some of these damn things, so really it's about the negotiations. Be stern. Be adamant. But be nimble — you're walking on egg shells, per usual. If you find these activities as much of a drag as we do, elect for anything where you can grab a drink. If wine's your thing, a winery is a win-win. If not, try to push for a brewery or the nearest Beer Garden.

When she says, "let's go on a picnic this weekend," you say, "how about I get us tickets for the game and we go tailgate?"Because, be honest, what's a tailgate? If nothing else, it's a cement picnic where it's borderline acceptable to get drunk. Life's all about compromise, so turn a negative into a positive.

No Posing

We've seen a lot of men go from G.O.A.T to complete jackass with one synchronized jumping photo in a pumpkin patch. You're a man, cut that crap out! You probably don't want to agree to any orchestrated photos, either, unless you're dropping the hottest mixtape of 2018. That means no biting into the same donut, holding onto the same branch kind of crap. These are dangerous times, and your boys got eyes on you. No one wants their friends having embarrassing photos of them to ridicule for the next six months. If you need to get your manhood back, at the very least, make sure you line up a Halloween costume that's both practical and looks like you just don't give AF!

Be Plugged In


That means having your phone, iPad and laptop fully charged and within an arms reach. If you don't have one, you might want to invest in a hotspot, because the last thing you need is your favorite sports team marching down the field with under a minute left and have your WiFi crapping out. When you're plugged in, you can keep tabs on scores and your fantasy team at the same time!

If you want to get the most out of our Autumn — and not just be dragged to a bunch of stuff no guy gets excited about — you'll want to follow this survival guide. Strap up your boots, grab a flannel, throw a splash of Bailey's in your pumpkin spiced latte and go conquer the fall, pal.


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Lead image via Instagram/SabrinaSchuster.