Image Via Netflix
Good afternoon ghouls and ghosts. God, that was corny. Let's start over — Happy almost Halloween, guys! With everyone's favorite spooky holiday just days away we thought it would be a good idea to assemble some of the funny Halloween tweets out there on the web for y'all to read. Why? Well, because the older you get, the less magical Halloween becomes. Frankly, it's really just become yet another excuse to drink booze. Oh, except..you know, you get to drink booze in a costume. Nothing better than blacking out dressed like a demented clown, right?!
Anyway, given that this holiday has lost a lot of its childlike wonder, why not bring back some of that magic by way of 31 laugh out loud tweets? Speaking of children, these tweets aren't exactly PG-13, so please, keep them away from the little ones — we refuse to be responsible for your sh*tty parenting, and or babysitting skills.
Without further adieu, grab some candy, crack open a pumpkin beer and get to reading. Our advice? If you're at work, just head to the bathroom. This article could easily kill a half hour or so if you read slowly — #ProTip.
Every time u yawn in October, a ghost put his dick in ur mouth— tatianna (@asiancrackbaby) October 24, 2017
If you wear any type of costume this Halloween you are racist. Best to sit in a room alone, eat candy, and think about how horrible you are.— Dave Rubin (@RubinReport) October 23, 2017
U can give out anything on Halloween it doesn't have to be candy last year I gave a kid my cable bill it was awesome he paid it & everything— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) October 10, 2016
For Halloween I'm going to be emotionally stable and no ones going to know its me— ImpatientProblems (@ImpatientPrblms) September 17, 2017
Don't forget to check y'all kids candy bags this Halloween, I found this last year in my little brother's lollipop. smh. pic.twitter.com/4e5jxQakwt— أسود (@NasMaraj) October 3, 2017
When you're at a Halloween party with people you don't know and your friends disappear pic.twitter.com/eHbJw8gEkS— Baby Animals (@BabyAnimalPics) September 18, 2017
there are two types of girls on Halloween pic.twitter.com/6yTpgdI89M— anti joke apple (@antijokeapple) October 13, 2014
If you really want to scare everyone this Halloween, dress up as intimacy.— Trevor S (@trevso_electric) October 27, 2014
Friend: "what should I be for Halloween?— Because I'm a Guy (@CauseWereGuys) October 11, 2015
Me: "my designated driver"
4 kids dressed as the Ninja Turtles just came to my door and I gave Raph and Mikey better candy because I'm a god damn American.— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) October 31, 2013
One year dad dressed as "World's Greatest Ninja" for Halloween and it was so good we haven't seen him since.— Scary Terry F (@daemonic3) October 24, 2014
me every October— Eugene Lee Yang (@EugeneLeeYang) October 2, 2017
October 1: *screams* OMG I LOVE HALLOWEEN 🎃
October 15: wait wtf am i gonna wear
October 31: ENJOY MY CHEAP SEXY COSTUME
The scariest Halloween costume I can think of is "regular adult who wants to show you how well they play piano"— Paul Welsh (@paulbwelsh) October 31, 2012
Skeletons are a weird costume cuz you already got one of those in your body you're pretty much a bone oreo with skin frosting dude— Jeffrey Hadz (@Hadzilla) October 29, 2012
Tis the season my dudes pic.twitter.com/BzNqeaY191— ASSWOLF (@TheRealAsswolf) September 18, 2017
Halloween is just a scam by Big Cobweb to sell more big cobwebs.— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) October 24, 2013
Oh sure we'd LOVE to sell you a $3.50 pumpkin, but I'm not going back to prison for you. pic.twitter.com/1BABSMGD1k— Lemon 🍋 (@AhoyLemon) October 8, 2017
Halloween is coming up and I still have no idea what I'm going to be for the rest of my life.— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 27, 2015
1 out of every 5 people you see dressed up at your halloween party is just me, changing costumes, every 6 minutes— chuuch (@ch000ch) October 25, 2015
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger's property and make a non-negotiable demand.— Matt Roller (@rolldiggity) October 27, 2014
love seeing the creative halloween costumes, like "cold nurse", "cold schoolgirl", "shivering female superhero", "uncomfortably chilly pirat— tara shoe (@tarashoe) October 25, 2013
idea for haunted house: dimly lit grocery store sprinkled with people you haven't talked to since high school— paperwash© (@PaperWash) September 5, 2015
What's a good Halloween costume that doesn't require makeup and isn't uncomfortable and is my regular clothes?— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) October 19, 2016
Pretty legit stuff, no? I think if nothing else we can all agree that the #HalloweenStruggle as an adult is REAL. Don't y'all wish you could just go back to the days of frolicking around town after school trying to get as much candy as possible (and not puking) before retiring home to a scary movie? Technically speaking, you could still do all that...but, you'll likely get arrested.
Image Via Netflix