If You're Looking To Be The World's Biggest Glutton, These Meals Total An Entire Day's Worth Of Calories

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Today we're going to be talking to y'all about some high calorie meals. Trust us when we say that the following will not be a tutorial in high calorie meals that are healthy, but rather one's that will literally destroy your insides — despite tasting really, really freakin' good. When we mentioned the word gluton in the headline, we meant it! These dishes are far from dainty and no joke, if you're looking to rack up an entire day's worth of calories, these are your best bet.

Football Foodies

Look, we don't expect you to eat veggie sticks and drink seltzer during the big game, but you should really be aware of just how much garbage you're putting in your system between the beers and bar food. According to Men's Health:

"Let’s say you have four 16-oz. beers (about 800 calories), a cheeseburger with bacon & BBQ sauce (1000 calories), a basket of chili cheese fries (570 calories), and a chocolate chip cookie for dessert (500). The total? 2870 calories."

Geez Louise, when you break it down like that — it's almost worth giving up! Nah, who are we kidding? A cheeseburger with bacon and BBQ sauce? Yes, please!

That's Amore!

Who doesn't love a kickass Italian dish? Pasta, bread, sauce, cheese — these are staples in life. If you avoid these "food groups", you're a jerk. Point blank. That being said, if you ate like that everyday, you could most definitely qualify as a guest on My 600 Lb. Life. Men's Health continued:

"If you order, say, half a bottle of wine (300 calories), a bruschetta appetizer, split in half (425 calories), two slices of table bread with 1 tbsp. butter (400 calories), a Caesar salad (550 calories), spaghetti & meatballs for an entrée (1300 calories), and Tiramisu for dessert (500 calories). The total? A whopping 3475 calories."

Uh, please excuse us while we go cry into a big bowl of spaghetti! That's actually BONKERS. What are we supposed to do, though? NOT get tiramisu for dessert? Puh-lease!

Steak, It's What's For Dinner

Every dude will tell you that there's nothing better than a steak and a blow....well, you know. Men and their meat go together like peanut butter and jelly. It's a relationship beyond comprehension and one that's surely to cause cardiac arrest from sea to shining sea. The problem? It takes really good and eating it makes people happy even if it's really not great for you. From Men's Health:

"If you have four glasses of red wine (700 calories), a large steak and sauce (2000 calories), steak fries or mashed potatoes with sauce (500), and maybe even some greens, which are great for you, but could be doused with dressing, cheese, and croutons (300), says Maggie Moon, MS, RDN, author of The MIND Diet. Your total? A whopping 3500 calories."

Honestly, this is just super depressing! What are we supposed to live off of? KALE?! Chia seeds?! We simply aren't about that life and we hope y'all understand that sure, this stuff will kill you but....worth it? We think so.

Combo Action

This one REALLY ticked us off, because in theory it should be healthy, but as per usual, those damn numbers add up — FAST! Soup, salad, and sandwich is the best threesome in the history of threesomes but rest assured, you'll be a lard-ass if you eat it too much. Men's Health continued:

"Here’s an example: if you order a 9 oz. brisket sandwich (900 calories), side of French fries (520 calories), a Cobb salad (780 calories), a clam chowder soup (475 calories), and a chocolate fudge sundae to satisfy that sweet tooth (840 calories). The total? 3515 calories, right there."

Well guys, that's about all we have for you today. If you're crying (like we are) don't feel ashamed. This is really hard stuff and we recognize that breaking down caloric intake was just a sick and cruel joke. Ignore everything you just read and eat what you want, always and forever more!


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