How To Be A Man When You Meet Your Girlfriend's Dad

We don’t mean to whine, but sometimes being a guy is tricky. Here’s our indispensable guide on how to act like a man when the going gets tough.

For some reason, girlfriends’ dads put huge significance on the first ever handshake you give them. They’re obsessed with it: it’s all they can think about. And that’s fair—they are an old lion, their mane thinning, their pride (daughter) leaving them for a sharper, younger, more powerful version (you). The only remaining way they have of exerting dominance over you is by squeezing your hand really hard and passive-aggressively saying how nice it is to meet you.

Girlfriends’ dads always want to meet on neutral ground, normally at a family meal, so bear that in mind. Bring some flowers for the girlfriend’s mom, take two paces over to the girlfriend’s dad, pump his hand twice and make sure you don’t accidentally call him ‘Sir’. The rest of the meal you just need to spend quietly eating your steak (he will get a steak, so you also have to get a steak—rarer than his, if possible) and resisting the urge to crack fart jokes.