How To Win Every Argument With Your Girlfriend

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I know that given the title this may seem like a daunting, nearly impossible pursuit, but I can assure you it's not. There are secrets to this game and I promise, I know them all.

Most of the time men are told to admit they're wrong (even when they're not) to avoid furthering the argument and that, my friends, is horse sh-t. A false admission of guilt is in no way shape or form, "winning." In fact, it's losing and it's losing HARD.

You wanna walk away from a fight with your girlfriend feeling like a champion not like she's physically removed your balls and put them in her pocket for safe-keeping because you don't deserve them anymore.

You want to be victorious, right? Well, here's how:

  1. Never argue over the phone, via email, via text, via carrier pigeon-NONE of it. Face to face is crucial. Women are naturally sensitive, empathetic creatures. If they're able to look you in the eye, there's a far greater chance they'll concede before you do.

  2. Avoid profanity, fellas. You want to argue smart, not mean. The more calm, cool, and collected you appear, the better you'll be. You need her to feel like she's being the argumentative one. Even if you want to put your head through a wall, remain steadfast in your zen. Try counting to 10 before every rebuttal.

  3. Remain completely and totally silent. I'm not kidding. The cold shoulder is one of the most effective strategies you can use. Why? Because if you give a woman enough time to start getting contemplative, chances are she will talk herself out the argument. This isn't a guarantee, but I'd say it has a 97% chance of working and those are some good odds! Worst case scenario she dumps and or stabs you.

  4. Offer to buy her a gift as a means of gaining her forgiveness. If she accepts the offer, flip the script and suggest that you can't believe how materialistic she is. Really play it up. Start questioning how you could have ended up with someone like that. Her guilt will set in pretty fast.

  5. If you're serious with your lady to the point you're close with her family-get ahold of her mother before she does. Explain the situation from your point of view and gather as many allies as possible. There's strength in numbers.

  6. Bring up a past indiscretion of hers that worse than the one she's accusing you of in real time. Fight fire with fire. It's petty as hell, but works like a charm.

  7. Come up with a reason for your behavior that will garner sympathy from her. Remember, women are sensitive, use it to your advantage. Ultimately make an excuse for yourself-work is stressful, you're in an argument with your mom, you got a nail in your tire...Anything that will somewhat justify your attitude leading to the argument.

  8. Get black-out-drunk. You can't lose an argument that you don't remember.

That's it, gents. Eight, simple, effective tactics that will keep you floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee every time your girlfriend wants to ream you out. As a disclaimer, please avoid using #8 more than 3 times a week. I will not be responsible for your liver failure.

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