Have you guys ever heard of champagne problems? For those of you who have, you know where I'm going with this. For those of you who haven't, let me take you to church for a second with the definition—“Problems when compared to issues of poverty, natural disasters and war are not that big of a deal.” While I agree with that basic working definition a la Urban Dictionary, I tend to think it's a tad more biting than that. I've always looked at a champagne problem as something reserved solely for the those rich, famous, beautiful or all three OR a "good problem" like having too much relaxation time.
To use another Kardashian example, there was an episode of KUWTK when Kim was still married to Kris Humphries—I'm not going to bore you with the sordid details, but basically she lost a bajillion dollar diamond earring in the crystal blue waters of whatever-tropical island she had the grave misfortune of vacationing on at the time, and had a complete and total mental freakin' breakdown. She eventually found the damn the thing and the world continued to spin. THAT'S a champagne problem.
Kylie's latest confession in a preview for her new reality series, Life of Kylie is equally as laughable. Look, I want to clarify right now that I think she's a beautiful, talented makeup mogul, but that's about where I draw the line. Anything else she says or does deviating from lip kits, highlighters, eyeshadow and the like, is always a tidal wave of stupidity and more often than not, cultural appropriation.
In the video below, you'll listen to Kylie explain the "really sad" reason she never attended her own prom. Listen little lady, I'll trade you the experience of gaudy acrylic french nails, horny teenagers, and a crappy DJ for financial security until I die—any day. But I digress, we all have our struggles in this life. For some of us, it's 6-figures of student loan debt. For you? It was being homeschooled—6 of one, half a dozen of the other, amirite?