Men think they know it all about dating, sex and relationships, but because we continue to keep failing big-time at them, we figured we'd tap the professional opinion of the talented Carmelia Ray, a certified matchmaker and dating coach who's the star of the Myx TV series Mom vs. Matchmaker.
Since we live in a hook-up culture thanks to left-or-right-swiping dating apps, Carmelia spills the cold-hard facts about everything men need to do to improve their success rate while dating.
OK, Let's Get To The Simplest Question: What's The Biggest Mistake A Man Can Make While Pursuing A Woman?
"The biggest mistake a man can make while pursuing a woman is being flaky or wishy-washy! Man up, say what you mean and mean what you say. Attempting to play games at the beginning of a new relationship is a chemistry killer. Games are for kids, not sexy men. Women respect truth, authenticity, consistency and care. Call back when you say you will, take actions that represent who you are all the time, not just at that moment. You might tell your date you’re not the flirtatious kind and the minute she turns her head, you’re giving a sexy girl at the bar all the signs you’re into her instead of the woman you came with. Unreliable and uncaring behavior is a sign of immaturity and shows a lack of respect to the woman you're trying to impress."
What Percentage Of Men Do You Think Go On Dates Strictly In Hopes Of Sex?
"I am certainly not a mind reader, but I can safely say 99 percent of men who date are hoping their dating journey will end in some form of sexual activity. 99 percent of men would love a first kiss and possibly close physical contact if they’re lucky. I believe all men go on dates in the hopes of connecting personally and physically with the person they are on a date with but guess what, so do women. The “hope” of sex is a given for both sexes, that’s why you are dating. However, the timing and expectations of when sex will happen varies for everyone."
That Makes Us Wonder: Sex On A First Date, Yay Or Nay?
"I actually discussed this in a video recently. I say nay if you’re hoping to have a long-term relationship but of course, there is no right or wrong answer. Whatever feels comfortable and safe for both parties is usually the answer. If you’re having any doubts at all, or are concerned with how you’re going to be viewed, then I would say date and wait."
What Three Tips Should Men Most Know In Order To Be More Successful At Finding The Right Woman?
"Okay, guys need to remember that quality is always better than quantity when it comes to dating. In other words, stop swiping right to every single profile on Tinder just to see who likes you back. Men tend to date a lot more ladies in the hopes of getting lucky and can easily burn out wasting time with women who aren’t compatible or aligned. Confidence is key in the dating world and women can sense a weakness and insecurity in both body language and in how you describe yourself. Be mindful that you’re not comparing yourself to other guys or sharing your negative dating stories, unless they’re funny, because a sense of humor is the next best quality to have to ensure dating success. You have to hang on to a sense of humor when it comes to finding the right woman. Women find funny and witty men extremely charming and attractive. Looks are lower on a woman’s list than confidence and a good sense of humor."
Any First Date Horror Stories That You've Seen/Heard About?
"How much time do we have here? Most first date horror stories are about men who openly talk about an ex in a negative way and use their first dates as a therapy session. The other first date horror stories surround men who appear basically rude or bored when on a date with someone they clearly have no attraction to. If there isn’t chemistry, it doesn’t give you the right to be mean and angry to the person who took their time to meet you. Other horror stories are about people showing up to a date who look nothing like their profile pictures or have a personality that is completely opposite to who they said they were."
What's The Ideal First Date Women Look For?
"An ideal first date women look for is one that leaves them with butterflies, an overall giddiness, excitement and happiness. A great first date is when a woman feels there is mutual attraction and connection. It’s really awkward when you leave a date not knowing how the other person feels about you. When a man compliments her and gives her both physical and verbal cues he’s really into her (and she feels the same) that makes for an ideal date experience."
When Is It OK To Contact Someone After A First Date? Basically, Is The Three-Day Rule A Thing?
"I don’t believe in a three-day rule or many rules when it comes to dating. There’s behavior that works and behavior that doesn’t work, and it’s usually not the same for every person. Some dating experts may offer cookie cutter advice and give you rules to follow that simply don’t apply to your situation. The key factor is to respect your date’s communication style and keep in mind that it’s sometimes a learning curve. Texting your date that you had a great time and you hope they got home safely would be totally fine to do following a great first date. Texting them 3- 5 times after you’ve just left and they’re still in the Uber on their way home may seem a little over-eager. While you’re beginning to date someone, keep the communication open and focused on making plans. Save the small talk and heart to hearts for face to face."
Are There Things Men Should Look For To Tell If A Woman Is Or Isn't Feeling Him On A First Date?
"Men should always be looking for positive or negative body language to tell if his date is or isn’t feeling him on a first date. He should also focus on listening to what she’s saying and how she’s saying it. Watch for her tone of voice. Does she seem aloof, rushed, distracted or annoyed? Or do you see her keeping great eye contact, leaning towards you, smiling with her lips and eyes? Even if your date is shy, it doesn’t mean she’s not interested. Men need to be mindful of how communication works."
- 55% of communication is visual (your body language)
- 38% of communication is your voice (tone, inflection, etc.)
- 7% is verbal (your words)
"So, guys, you need to be sure you’re making a great first impression by being attentive to her needs, spoken and unspoken. It isn’t always about you and how you feel. Make it about her, her body language and how to make her feel comfortable."
Tune-in to Mom vs. Matchmaker every Tuesday at 8 p.m. EST on Myx TV, with new episodes available online Wednesdays at MyXTV.