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Tips Every Man Should Know In Order To Get Rich (And Not Die Trying)

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They say that when it comes to men, one of two things is likely to kill them....women or money. I'm here to teach you about money, because I hate to tell you this, but you're never going to understand women, let alone survive them.

Anyway, my qualifications to teach you about money can be summarized simply: I have a job where I make money, I get paid every two weeks and still never miss a bill or loan payment. Also, I have a social life whereupon I spend money freely without feeling overwhelmed by the weight of being a broke ass b-tch.

This, my friends, is the pipe dream for most millennials. Especially millennial men. I HATE to generalize, but I have two brothers, meaning I feel so inclined to say that men are complete sh-t at saving.

Don't fear though, there are ways to overcome the, "How Do I Save Money While Still Maintaining Some Semblance Of A Social Life?" conundrum.

Let's begin, shall we?

  1. Don't spend money you don't have, point blank. I don't care if the new NCAA-blah-blah-blah was just released at midnight and you absolutely have to buy it before it sells out. If you don't have the funds in your account, NEVER overdraft. In fact, if you can't set up your account to decline you from over-drafting, I highly recommend it. Don't create crappy patterns of living outside of your means when you're young because that behavior will stick to you like white on rice throughout your whole life.

  2. Speaking of NOT living outside of your means, learn to bargain shop. Look, I get the whole basis of this article is about "getting rich" but unless you have a job that pays handsomely, you need to first learn to save in order to become wealthy. Your father isn't going to just give you a small loan of a million dollars or something. I'm not suggesting you STOP spending money, just truly learn the value of a dollar. Champagne is a perfect example. Say your favorite brand is 75 dollars a bottle, but you happen to know of a brand that tastes just as good but may appear less impressive to your friends. My advice is, who gives a sh-t, buy the 20 dollar champagne and tell your friends to shut up.

  3. Know your expenses down to the cent. If you're not consciously aware of how much money you owe every month for various bills, or loans, or payments, then how the hell do you think you're capable of responsible spending and saving?

  4. Take a percentage of every paycheck and put it away. If you're able to do this automatically through your company, that would be even better, but if not, just hold a gun to your head and do it. DO IT!!!! You're going to feel like a million bucks (hopefully literal) when it's all said and done and you check your savings account. Most people recommend 20%, if you can swing 25-30% and still pay bills/have a social life. I'd go with that.

  5. Buy a piggy bank or jar for your change and put the change in it. Yes, I'm SERIOUS. You don't need to download those apps that invest your change for you, or go to a penny counter every 3-days so you can buy 40 ounces of beer (although, I advocate these for saving money). Just kick it old school, collect your change for a year, maybe even 2. It's a forced savings hopefully you'll never be broke enough tap into it.

  6. If you have the time, find ways to diversify your income. No, I'm not suggesting that you sell crack and work on Wall Street at the same time, but if it's possible to increase the number of revenue streams in your life, do it! DO IT!!! I'm sorry if I'm getting aggressive, I just think it's really important for young people not be crippled by money problems. For instance, when you were young you may have worked retail, but also tutored math on the side. Just figure out what the grownup equivalent to that is (for you) and pursue. For me, it's babysitting on occasion because I'm old enough to have befriended people with actual, living, breathing children.

  7. Identify your bad habits ASAP. Do you have a weakness? Mine is makeup. If yours is makeup too, there's no shame in that game, but it's got to be STOPPED. Alright so maybe yours isn't makeup, what about fancy dinners? or expensive vacations? If you find that there are certain things you just can't help but spending too much money on time and time again, you need to cut yourself and go cold turkey. Seriously, give your Debit and Credit Cards to your Mom if you have to. There's nothing worse than money kryptonite.

  8. This one is going to sound very maternal, but that's okay, because as mentioned earlier, I do babysit every now and again. When it comes to money, I know how f'in crippling the worry can be. Maybe you have a sh-t ton of loan debt for a college education that ultimately resulted in an $100,000 degree you're never going to use, or maybe you have a problem with credit cards and racked up a bunch of debt because no one explained how any of this works to you. Whatever the case may be, understand that it will eventually work itself out. This may sound like an entitled or privileged statement, but I can assure you, it's not. You need to breathe, plan, rationalize, and work hard. Here's on more "DO IT!!!" for good measure.

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