Waiters Share Their Craziest Work Stories And We'll Definitely Be Eating Home Tonight

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If there's one industry I'd never want to work in, it's food services. Is that even what it's called? I'm not entirely sure, but I'm going to run with it. It's not that I'd have an issue with handling food for a living, it's that I don't have the patience to deal with people and food at the same time. For me, it's a one or the either type of thang.

Could I restock the produce section of a grocery store? You betcha. Could I serve people salad? NO. People are assholes, there's really no way around it and that's NEVER more apparent than at a restaurant.

Outside of the standard high-maintenance, no patience, pick eater syndrome that half of modern diners have, there's also some plain crazy folk out there. I don't use the term crazy loosely, as I find it to be insensitive to actual mentally ill people, but these stories 100% warrant the use of the term.

The fine people over at Cosmopolitan put together some of the most insane stories they received from waiters on the job and you guys really don't want to pass these up—

Pizza OCD

"I work at a pizza place and this older man would always order a pizza with eight pieces of pepperoni and eight pieces of green pepper. When he got the box, he would open it up and count it in front of us. One time we screwed it up, because someone just threw green peppers and pepperoni on it, and he stopped coming into the restaurant for about six months."

Kinky Patrons

"I worked as a server in a pub in London. There were two people having sex in the bathroom. I had to knock on the door and tell them to stop. They were respectful about it and they left. The next night, the guy came back into to the pub. He apologized to me and told me he only did that because the girl said she was wearing really lacy underwear. Then he asked me what kind of underwear I was wearing, and told me he would give me 500 pounds [$645] if I gave him the underwear I was wearing. They banned him from the pub for six months for 'inappropriate behavior.'”

You're Mayo-king Me Uncomfortable, Sir

"An older man came into the restaurant where I worked with a picture of himself, younger and shirtless. He sat the picture in front of him and ordered a hard-boiled egg and fries tossed in mayo, and then he just sat there with the picture of himself from when he was younger and ate his meal."

Disorderly Eating

"A lady was sitting in a booth and puked on herself and just continued eating. She waved us over, told us she threw up on herself and the seat next to her, and then just sat there and continued eating as we cleaned it up from the seat and her. She didn’t even leave a great tip."

One And Done

"A customer who comes in pretty regularly was sitting at the bar and was only served one drink before he threw up all over the bar. And then he just left, so the bartender and wait staff had to clean it up. He came in a few days later and acted like nothing happened."

To read all 15 stories, head here.

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