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Feeling Like A Serious "Noob" Between The Sheets? Here's Some Quick Tips To Enhance Your Performance

Image Via Colombia Pictures

Before we get this thing started, we thought it would be a good idea to define, "noob". To be honest, we haven't heard that term since 7th grade and it's safe to say a lot of you are in the same boat. In the event you've forgotten what noob means, no worries, we've got you covered. According to Google a noob is "a person who is inexperienced in a particular sphere or activity, especially computing or the use of the Internet." Basically it's the modern day version of "newbie". Easy enough, right?

Now that we've taken care of that, we're here to discuss the best sexual advice the internet has to offer to all the bedroom noobs out there. You know, the dudes fumbling around in-between the sheets and prematurely ejaculating. What? No need to sugarcoat around these parts. We're all friends!

Askreddit user nimria posed the following question and the internet came running with some pretty helpful hints. Reminder: a noob isn't necessarily a virgin and virgin isn't necessarily a noob. We've been told by countless females over the years that you can sleep with tons of women and still have absolutely zero clue what you're doing — in fact, that's usually the case.

"What’s the best sexual advice you can give to a noob?"

Modern Day Poet

"I'm not going to beat a dead horse explaining the birds and the bees. Just suffice to say that if a woman is going to play your skin flute it better be clean as a whistle."

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Safety Tips

"Men: cut fingernails. Women: always pee after sex."

Seriously, Remember To Pee

"Men: If she doesn't pee, remind her to pee."

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A Does Not Equal B

"Speed does not mean effectiveness."

Vroom, Vroom

"Faster means faster and harder means harder. Sometimes she wants the RPMS sometimes she wants the torque."

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Gross, But True

"Don't forget to bring a towel."

Fart Noises Happen

"Sex isn't always sexy — Sometimes it's painful. Sometimes someone farts, or bodies rub together in a way that it sounds like a fart. Sometimes one or both participants can't orgasm, and that includes men. These things happen to everyone, regardless of age or experience. When they do happen, don't be embarrassed. It's okay to laugh it off."

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The Most Important Of All

"Wrap your willy before you get silly."

For more advice on how to up your sex game and ditch your noob status, head on over to Reddit. Remember, knowledge is power — yes, even in the bedroom. Hell, especially in the bedroom.


Image Via Colombia Pictures

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