Updated: Nov 15, 2017 7:34 pm
Overeating on Thanksgiving is as much a part of the holiday tradition as the turkey! What can we say, that's America! We love to take sh*t that isn't ours (namely land) and stuff our faces. To those people who consider it indulgent (or even disgusting) we say, you're right — but, we don't care! Thanksgiving comes but once a year and it's important to do it up right!
Problem is, binge-eating isn't as easy as it looks. We know all of you Europeans think we must walk around dripping bacon fat and Type 2 Diabetes, but a las, that's not the case. Americans are just as obsessed with the same health-craze-kale-snorting BS that most cultures are interested in. It's only on the holidays that we choose to completely ignore everything we know about health and fitness and become garbage people.
For all the binge-eating necessities you'll need this Thanksgiving, keep on scrolling!
Remember when you were a kid and your older cousins (or even parents) would "take a walk" outside right before Thanksgiving dinner? Yeah, hate to break it to you, but they were getting high. Don't believe us? Think harder! Did they come back with bloodshot eyes laughing like F'in Seth Rogan? Yeah, that's what we thought.
No judgement, they had the right idea! The more you smoke, the hungrier you are. The hungrier you are, the more you can eat. It's basic math, really.
Look, boys — chances are you're not getting any younger and with that, all sorts of heinous sh*t happens to your insides when you eat like a teenage lacrosse player. You're going to need backup. There's no shame in it, it's just the facts of life. Chug that Pepto, chew those Tums and keep on, keepin' on.