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Relationship Red Flags: How You Know Your Girlfriend Is NOT 'The One'

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When it comes to the idea of soulmates, I'm not too sure where I stand. It's sort of romantic to hold onto to the hope that there's one glorious person out there to complete us, but on the other hand, it's an incredibly dangerous notion.

WTF happens if you meet your soulmate then you lose them?! Is that it? Game over, K.O., kaput? I think not. There's a whole lotta people on this earth and I think it's a crock of shit to assume there's only ONE for you. If anything, I think you can narrow your soulmate pool down to at least 10-20 prospective people. Hey, it's better than 100, which was my initial number of choice. I know it's not the Disney-movie approach you were expecting from a woman, but it's just how I feel.

That being said, say you are with someone, and you're in love, like soul mate, wink-wink, nudge-nudge, love. Is it possible to be too blind to see the warning signs? Is there a chance that despite everything in your body saying go, that you should really be running for the hills, screaming no? You betcha! That, if nothing else, is exactly what love is. It's insanity without the stigma.

I'm not knocking it, love is the greatest force on earth, but as with any great force it could, you know, kill you. Alright, slightly dramatic. I don't think love will kill you, but it can 100% break you and sometimes that can feel like a death onto itself.

Contrary to popular belief, romantic relationships are not much more complicated than any other sort. The only thing you're adding on is sex and as far as I'm concerned, that's either hit or miss. Yes, you can work at it, but chemistry is chemistry—you either have it or you don't. Otherwise, relationships come down to three primary areas and if your girlfriend isn't checking off these boxes, you best believe it's cause for huge concern.

Trust

This is a two-way street. You NEED to trust her and she NEEDS to trust you. Point blank, no exceptions. None of that, "Oh, it'll work itself out" new wave hooplah. Here's my opinion, not that it holds too much weight, but it's not one you're going to hear often. I think when trust is broken, it's never really repaired. I think it can get better, but never truly be fixed. Sometimes, especially if you're girlfriend IS the one, she can look past this and understand that while it will never be "perfect" it can be managed. That trust can be regained, but it's a different trust, a NEW trust that needs to be nurtured and handled with patience. However, if she can't do this, she's going to turn into a possessive, controlling, resentful monster (all of YOUR own making). Someone who loves you will work for it without making YOU pay for it.

Respect

Respect is paramount for any relationship to work, but respect and love should NEVER be confused. Hear me out—you can respect someone you hate, right? Take your boss, for example. You may not like them, but you respect the work that they do and therefore things can continue peacefully. If your partner loves you, but doesn't respect you, it will never work. Respect can mostly be seen during the bad times. It manifests in the way they come at you during a fight. If they often throw your deepest insecurities at you, hit below the belt, and question your character—there's a strong possibility, that no matter how angry, they don't respect you. Enough examples of this disrespect and it might be a good idea to call it quits.

Additionally, if your girlfriend isn't your biggest fan, it shows a lack of respect. To respect, ultimately means to admire. I respect Blake Lively. Why? Because I admire her beauty, family, and brilliant role as Serena van der Woodsen on Gossip Girl. That was a weird aside, but really, your girlfriend should champion the work you do and the qualities you have.

Communication

While the other two are important, I'm going to go ahead and play favorites here and say this one is the MOST important. Why? Because without communication you have nothing. If you have a girlfriend who is constantly shutting you down and never sharing her feelings with you, what's the point? I'm not talking about her being coy, or shy. I'm talking about her straight up not feeling the need to tell you anything. At that point, you can save yourself the trouble and date a brick wall.

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