What?! Don't we get a couple points for honesty? Sure, Sommer Ray has a real cute dog, but seriously, did she think anyone was going to be focusing on a canine SHE'S holding, while wearing BOOTY SHORTS?! Ha! I think not.
She even captioned the pic to her 15.2 million Instagram followers—"Wow guys look how freaking cute my dog is, JK LOOK AT MY BOOTY."
Exactly! She knows us too well! Hell, she knows all men too well. When you guys see the pic, you'll understand. I'm a dog person, that's for sure, but hot damn! That butt would have me distracted from nuclear warfare. Actually, let's play a little game. I'm going to list all the things Sommer Ray's butt could distract me from—
Impending death, student loans, global warming, Donald Trump's presidency, my receding hairline, the fact that my metabolism has slowed down, every Fast and The Furious movie, slow WiFi connection, Godzilla roaming the streets, a dog walking on it's hind-legs, Kris Jenner, a blimp dropping free cash, McDonald's handing out free burgers, my ex-girlfriend, my ex-wife if I had one, a flat tire, a tornado, a tsunami, an earthquake, a sand storm, basically any sort of inclement weather, a dead phone battery, a clogged toilet, a broken condom, and an ice cream cone shop that's run out of sprinkles.
Quite the list, huh? Yeah, we get pretty imaginative around these parts! Better to serve you some booty on a clever platter than just hand it over right? Actually, who am I kidding, you guys would be fine with no writing at all! Well, that's my job! Deal with it!