Get A Beard Mightier Than A Viking
Growing and maintaining a bodacious beard is a bit like keeping a turtle as a pet. Both look like they require no effort whatsoever. But of course, if left untended, turtles die and beards become gross. Thankfully, maintaining a full and funky beard is easier than you think.
First thing’s first: you’ll need a precise and versatile trimmer, and the Wahl Lithium is a must.
Secondly, don’t underestimate the importance of moisturiser (we recommend this stuff by Murdock London).
Finally, grab yourself a sexy little mustachio comb. Brushing your tache might make you look like a minor bellend, but you can’t argue with the silky smooth results.
Tame The Fluff And Keep It Casual
If you’re unlucky enough to have the bouffant of a Pomeranian dog, you’ll need some help keeping it in check. This fluff tamer will calm even the most rebellious of ’fros. Haven’t you heard? Formal is out, messy-ish is in. Nail the lived-in look with putty...
Smell Like A Lumberjack
OK, so maybe not exactly like a lumberjack – the smell of sweat and chainsaw oil will only get you so far – but the scent of wood is the real deal in the fragrance world this year. Cedar is the pick of the bunch, so stock up on a bottle of Joop! for a super-manly musk.
Age Like George F'in Clooney
As the years roll on, it’s really important that you take care of your skin to stay looking young. There’s loads of boring stuff you can do to maintain a healthy visage – like avoiding the sun, booze, and late nights – but failing those, you can cheat your way to a beautiful mug by moisturising every day. For a smooth, non-animal-tested cream, you can’t go wrong with a tube of Bulldog, which also has a deliciously manly musk.
Pimp Your Gym Bag
There’s no point bulking up in the gym if your sweaty stench is going to scare off all the sexy ladies. Luckily, making the fairer sex faint for all the wrong reasons can be a thing of the past, thanks to L’Oréal’s invincible 96-hour deodorant. Just a little spray of this and you’re all set to dish out invites to the gun show.
Be Smoother Than The Fonz
Get your wash, prep, shave and soothe right with our winning products, but don't forget that no shave, using the FHM's best razor winner Gillette Fusion ProGlide, is complete without a mean fragrance. Smell like a boss with Boss Bottled, our Classic fragrance winner.
The Bluebeards Revenge
Avast me heatries! Raise the anchor, the main sail, and a glass of champagne to the clean-shaven pirates known as The Bluebeards Revenge. This fresh British company have been making waves and we for one like the cut of their jib. It’s not just the quality of their products that have us impressed; it’s the sheer breadth of product available. They’ve got a whole trove of choices from shaving bowls and razors to dressing gowns and wallets. World domination is on the horizon.
A Short History Of Smelling Lovely
Young men in Ancient Rome are required to celebrate reaching 21 by having their first shave in front of friends and family. The blunt razor often results in sores, so a special ointment is created from oil and vinegar. Aftershave is born! Unwashed sailors marauding around the West Indies discover that they can smell fresher by rubbing themselves in alcohol-doused bay leaves. This ultimately creates Bay Rum, which is later worn by everyone from Mark Twain to Ernest Hemingway.
Well-groomed sections of society begin to regularly use aftershave after 18th-century barber bible The Art Of Learning To Shave Oneself by Jean-Jacques Perret is released.
Old Spice is introduced to the market, with a buoy-shaped bottle paying tribute to the nautical past of the industry.
Legendary budget aftershave Hai Karate is released, offering a free martial arts instruction manual with every bottle to help wearers fend off women.
Davidoff releases its original ‘muscly-bloke-climbing-out-of-the-ocean’ advert for Cool Water. Twenty-two years on and it’s hardly changed.
Clive Christian No. 1 is recognised by the Guinness World Records as the most expensive aftershave on the market, costing a ludicrous £1,300 an ounce. It’s described as ‘harnessing the most powerful aphrodisiac known to man’.
Masked sword-bandit Antonio Banderas puts his name to an aftershave. Called Seduction, it propels pregnancy rates across Europe.
Becks strips off to promote his record-selling aftershave. It promptly sells out across the country, as hordes of men queue up to cover themselves in the former England skipper’s musk.
A technique called ‘layering’ takes off. It consists of using deodorants, body wash and moisturising balm – in tandem with aftershave – to create a stronger, longer-lasting scent.