The Things Every Man Thinks About Before Asking A Woman Out

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Is there a singular, key difference between how men approach dating versus how women approach dating? F-ck no! A singular difference would be too simple and when is anything EVER simple when it comes to matters of the heart (or fornication, if you want to be more blunt)?

I'd venture to say there's about 100 differences between how the sexes handle mating, dating, and everything in between, but unless you have enough water and rations to sit comfortably for the next 3-5 days, we're just going to focus on the male thought processes for today. It's not really even plural, actually. It's more like male thought process. It's succinct and can generally be broken into 3 separate parts that look a little something like this—mind you, nowadays the ways in which a man can ask a woman out vary quite a bit with the existence of dating apps so for the purposes of this article let's stick to the old school, in-person approach, you know like how they did it back in Jesus's day.

  1. Is she looking at me?
  2. I can't tell if she's look at me?
  3. I'm going to look at her until I can make CERTAIN she's looking at me too.
  4. Okay, yes, she definitely looked at me.
  5. Oh shit, was it because I was staring at her?
  6. F-ck, this is a pain.
  7. Ah, there it is—she smiled!
  8. Now what do I do?
  9. Come on, man. You've got this.
  10. Yeah, really, how bad could it be?
  11. Yeah, you're the man, when do you ever get turned down?
  12. Well, there was that one time.
  13. Okay, but you were drunk and spilled your drink on her sister.
  14. True! You've got this. You're the man.
  15. Is she out of my league?
  16. Quick! How attractive do you consider yourself?
  17. Shit, I don't know.
  18. Attractive enough?
  19. You're not getting anywhere with that attitude.
  20. She's going to leave soon!
  21. Crap, crap, crap!
  22. Just do it!
  23. It's not like she's going to be mean!
  24. You aren't a monster!
  25. Worst case scenario she just says, "I have a boyfriend."
  26. Women are always saying that.
  27. F-ck! I've been turned down a lot more than just the once then...
  28. Rip the bandaid off!
  29. She smiled again...
  30. Okay, breathe, walking over now.
  31. She's still smiling. This is good.
  32. Should I say is this seat taken?
  33. Do people still say that?!
  34. Wow, she really IS out of my league. Here goes nothing..
  35. "Hello."

MORE:'25 Thoughts Every Man Has On A First Date'