Not long ago, we asked Uldouz Wallace — an Instagram model, comedian and social media superstar — to tell us some funny jokes. As you might expect, she made us laugh with her quick wit, down-to-earth personality and, like ourselves, showing zero filter when it comes to humor. To be blunt, it was easy to see why Uldouz would be a major league catch for any man.
Well, guess what, fellas? Uldouz Wallace is, shockingly, having a tough time finding the right man. That's right, a woman who has more than 4.6 million Instagram followers, has been featured in numerous magazines and websites, and is known as simply "Uldouz" is finding love to be quite the difficult task. It's not that she doesn't have options — just look at how gorgeous she is — it's that guys seem to be overwhelmed and unworthy of her full attention.
That's just one of the reasons we reached out to Uldouz, because we want to lend a hand and help her snatch up the man she deserves. But, be warned, she's not just going to take any ol' boring and unmotivated geek off the street. Nope, she's got standards; high ones! If you think you've got what it takes to make one of the most gorgeous women on the planet happy each and everyday, you'll need to know some tips.
So, we talked with Uldouz Wallace to see what it is she's looking for. From traits like loyalty and attentiveness to things like bedroom skills and general attraction, we got the lowdown on what the Instagram model and funny lady wants. And, just like her jokes, Uldouz didn't hold back or filter herself, so see what she said below.
FHM: OK, So You're On The Hunt For A Guy, What's Been Wrong With The Ones You've Dated So Far?
Uldouz Wallace: "Oh, God, what hasn’t gone wrong is the question? Not too long ago, I dated a guy that was just trying to date me to get me to promote his book on social media! I have so many horror stories that I put some of them in my stand up routine. They’re so horrible that people think I made them up because of how ridiculous they are, but, sadly, they’re real!"
FHM: Why Not Just Turn To Tinder Or Bumble Or One Of Those Random Dating Apps?
Uldouz Wallace: "First off, I’m on social media, so I would probably get some weird guys on the dating apps. Plus, a very long time ago, I tried to make a Match profile and, the next day, I woke up to a Facebook message from one of my followers telling me that he saw my profile and reported it because he thought it was fake. But, it was actually me trying to find love! So, yeah, that didn’t go too well."
FHM: Well, Damn, You Probably Get Overwhelmed With Messages.
Uldouz Wallace: "Yeah, I get a bunch, but you can’t figure out who’s genuine. It’s hard to date in Los Angeles; everybody wants to be famous and use everyone to get ahead in one way or another."
FHM: Let's Just Say We're Taking You Out For A First Date, Where Do We Take You To Impress?
Uldouz Wallace: "Take me to a nice restaurant, I love pretty much everything. All kinds of food, except for Pho, it just tastes like sock water. Make sure to be a gentleman and treat me like a lady. If you really want to impress me, just do something romantic!"
FHM: You Looking For Something Serious, Or Simply Platonic?
Uldouz Wallace: "Something serious! Hello, if I wanted something platonic, I could just pick anyone in Los Angeles! Just seems like nobody’s serious in L.A."
FHM: What's The Most Important Thing To You In A Relationship?
Uldouz Wallace: "Loyalty. It’s very important to me. I’m in the public eye, so I need your loyalty in everything, especially if I open up to someone, trust and then loyalty are huge."
FHM: We've Got To Ask: Is Sexy Time Up There? The Chemistry In The Bedroom Has To Be Good, Right?
Uldouz Wallace: "Chemistry in the bedroom, I think, is the number one thing! I need to have a connection with the person. Once the sex is gone in a relationship, it’s pretty much downhill after that. For me, I have to have a connection with the guy, so I’m very big on eye contact and want to be able to look into the eyes of the person I’m with and see who they are. I know that might sound weird, but I think that says a lot about the person."
FHM: What're Absolute Deal-Breakers For You?
Uldouz Wallace: "Snoarers, anything under 6 inches down there, super cheap guys; like, someone who wants me to pay for dinner on a first date, bad hygiene, someone who eats and has food all over and in their teeth, someone who’s always negative."
FHM: If You Could Tell Guys The Best Advice On Winning A Gal's Heart, What Would It Be?
Uldouz Wallace: "Be loyal, supportive, attentive, caring and be a man who will stand up for that woman. I'm not talking about beating someone up, but, if someone says something bad about your lady, have her back even when nobody’s watching. I think that says a lot of a person. Love always wins, remember that!"
See more of Instagram model and comedian Uldouz Wallace's pics and replies by scrolling down, and make sure to follow her on social media.
Lead image via Getty.