The 5 Sh*ttiest Jobs That Are Way Worse Than The One You're Stuck At

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Just the other day, my friend was talking my ear off about how she's convinced that she has one of the worst jobs in the world. Now, being a jackass, I had to tell she's dead wrong, and that her organizing events for CEOs and businesspeople can't possibly be as soul-sucking as other professions out there. That led to a drunken, not-so-serious conversation about the worst jobs. The ones that have zero promise, are dead technology or, basically, make the person going to them every morning question what bad decision in their life led them to this. So, what are the true worst jobs in the world? Here are some suggestions.

MySpace Investor

You guys, it's 2017 and MySpace is still a thing! Had you told me I would be writing that sentence today 10 years ago when I was just finishing college and still didn't have a MySpace account, I would've given you $1,000 and a smug, "good luck." For some reason, MySpace continues to try its hand in the digital world, where social-sharing and likes, friends and shares rule the world. MySpace has instantly become the guy who tries to hide the fact that he's losing his hair by brushing it forward, slicking it back or lying to himself that it's just time to shave it off. Cut the cord, MySpace, your little run ended 12 years ago!

Blackberry Salesperson

This headline from Tech Crunch pretty much sums up the state of Blackberry: "Blackberry tries again." I'm actually sitting here laughing at that out loud as I write this, because, wow, talk about a slap in the f-cking face! It's almost as if the writer of that piece was like, "C'mon, Blackberry, just give it a rest already. People are lining up for hours outside of Apple to get a *new iPhone** every single year, you think anyone's going to go back to a Blackberry?"* Sadly, no, no one will, so it's time for anyone who has the difficult task of selling a Blackberry to just stop the embarrassment and find themselves a new job — like at the Apple Store or something.

A Blockbuster Franchisee

You guys, believe it or not, but Blockbuster video is still in existence. No, you're not dead, that's serious! For some reason, Blockbuster franchises have seemed to thrive in Alaska, with those crazy people up there flocking to get themselves movies to (probably) pop into their "new" video-playing device called a DVD player. We kid, Alaskans. But, seriously, Netflix releases a new catalog of movies and TV shows each and every month that people can watch for days without ever even showering! To think that people still leave their homes to rent a movie, watch it and then have to worry about returning it without a fine is absolutely ridiculous to me. What is this, 1987?


The Guys Who Invented Four Loko

Sure, back in the day, say, six-to-seven years ago, Four Loko was the sh-t, but since then, it's been all downhill. In addition to the company being forced to lower the alcohol content to an already crappy tasting alcoholic beverage, there were the unfortunate deaths to 20-somethings who thought it'd be smart to try and drink a bunch of Four Loko without, well, dying. Whoever thought that making a caffeinated alcoholic drink was a good idea should not be allowed to ever come up with any ideas ever again. As The Atlantic, RIP, Four Loko.

Printing Company

You know, I was watching that movie Why Him? the other day and it actually proved that anyone in the printing company looks like a complete idiot right now. No offense to those people who, I'm sure, are smart people, but, c'mon, who in the f-ck is printing stuff anymore? Sure, we all still receive all that junk mail with Dominoes pizza coupons and lenders telling us we've qualified for a $50,000 loan, but guess what happens to those? Yep, right in the garbage. Sorry, printers, but you live in a digital world, and if you're actually still convinced print is going to make a comeback, mind handing me some of the psychedelic drugs you're smoking, 'cause they have to be good as f-ck!

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